As long as You can Smile

020112

2012-02-01T02:01:00.000+08:00

静静的夜，
一个人静静的待着
我想，
实习生涯改变我不少
自己成长许多
大风大浪都是芝麻绿豆

以前常觉得一个人很寂寞
现在觉得一个人很自在
以前觉得怎么都被人丢在一旁
现在想想这样也不错，至少不用拼命陪笑想话题迁就
以前觉得做人要成就高，事业名利金钱地位样样行
现在只求平淡顺心顺利
以前很执著
现在看透了属世
是的，
以前与现在- 不同了

最近的最近，
看到很多事，
常常想，
什么时候到我，
hmm..

亲爱的你，想你了^^

30.01.12

2012-01-30T00:33:00.000+08:00

期待
明天可以适应新学期，毕竟太久没上课，很多人事物都不一样了。
心情
复杂忧悲没喜。发现人老了就越来越感性，越来越多烦恼，越来越容易思念。
明天
会是怎样呢？
希望
一切平安顺利旧好。

原上帝带领我。GOD BLESS

I am here,

2012-01-29T20:05:00.002+08:00

Still don't understand how I back in UTP. 6 months of internship and one month of holiday, yeah, I am so unused to UTP and student life. Cannot accept the fact that I am HERE already, in this jungle, full of trees, creatures and animals. And By the way, the food here is totally suck.. yuckssss... Feel like vomiting when thinking of it. Arghh...

I really dislike here. Hostel thingy make me fed up and angry. Nearly quarrel with the V5Fellow. But I can do nothing. No choice but being dump to this place, a stupid place. Haiz. No choice ba. I am a student only...

I am now jailed in a place which is not belongs to me. For the first time, I feel so homesick. Wana go home.. huhu.. One more year, just bear with it.

When you start to think too much

2012-01-14T09:17:00.003+08:00

hmm.. Feel like write something here, since I am so FREE at home. 7Early 8Early done with the CNY shopping. Done with the dresses, heel, handbag and even cut my hair. I am so efficient this year. So... now... just sit and goyang kaki to wait for the CNY to come lo. haha

Let me recall my 2011.. Full with laughters and... tears??
2011 Jan - June: Study in UTP. Complain about UTP. Busy with Internship thingy (resume, interview, room, transport bla bla bla) Look forward to Internship
June6 - Dec15: At first I enjoy internship so much, but when the SV starts to show her real self and when the boss start to put HIGH expectation from you.. It became a nightmare. Haha.. I miss UTP!
Dec15: Finally can end that H#ll and start my vacation with parents. =) Happy and Sad things happened during the vacation. But, still, Thanks God.
Have to rush for the internship report after the vacation and was finally done and submitted within the timeline =)
End my 2011 in bad luck. I have to say.

2012:
-Starts with course registration, I am among the earliest register I think. I can register 10 subjects. Haha.. Haven't drop the unused one. Wait la.
-Go for room registration. Thought It is settled but who knows, haiz... Stupid management. My bad luck is following me. Feel so guilty for my future roomate.. Spoil her shopping mood. Paiseh a jie jie.. I consider my room done for this moment. Bad luck Pls go away. Shoo Shoo.... Good Luck please come come come. I welcome you with smile =)
-Timetable.. hmm... clashing here and there.. Not much can be done but wait for negotiation with the lecturer. Don't know how to get the room key, have to wait the email from the Fellow. Hope everything is OK.

This year will be my final year in UTP. How time flies. I am now a Final Year student. Consider a senior ady. So scary when I think of that. I have to think of my FYP topic (which I have no idea what to do and how to do), Worry about Future Job (omg... I am an adult soon....), Future Placement(KL? Swak?) Argh.. Can't believe I have to face all these so soon. I am not prepared for all these ba..

3.5 years passed in just a blink of eyes. Life is a live telecast which keep on moving and there is no way for you to stop it or rewind it.

Yeah. People tend to think much as they grow older.

Put a handsome boy picture to cheer up myself. Haha.. He is so cute^^

Flowers for Algernon

2012-01-12T20:28:00.001+08:00

by Daniel Keyes

Hmm...

Book that question you on your life. How is your life? Or more precise, How you feel about your life.

This book is a diary written by the main character, Charlie Gordon. He recorded his daily activities since someday and stop at someday. (forgot the date in the diary)

He is mentally disabled, I would said. With IQ only 68, he can read and write simple words and do simple jobs. You will find grammar and spelling mistakes here and there, as, the words are written by him.

He is the first man to undergo an operation which able to change the mentally disabled/not so clever people to a clever one. The scientist had done an experiment on Algernon, a rat??

Before the operation, he is a cleaner in a bakery. The owner treats him well and the people like him. He is friendly to everyone. One more thing is, he is HARDWORKING and willing to learn. I admire Charlie with one simple reason: He is hardworking. He always dreaming of becoming clever and actually working hard to become clever. (clever for him is to have normal IQ as others)

The operation is successful(at first) and he is actually turning into a genius. He can remember everything he read, learn things fast and, able to understand his surrounding. Before this he had a simple mindset: Whenever a person smile at him, it means person likes him. But with the wisdom he had after the operation, he understood that people are actually laughing and making fun of him. Moreover he is in LOVE, a thing something which troubled him. This Charlie changed and lost in the middle of wisdom.

The story goes on when the scientist discover the side effects on Algernon. It is no longer intelligent and can hardly survive. In the end, it died. Charlie buried it in the backyard.

Bit by bit, Charlie is turning back into a mentally disabled person. He can hardly remember what he did and wrote before. Yeah. The same old Charlie is back in the end. He continue to work hard to become clever and hopefully can be cleverer than the Charlie before the operation.

I would say, Life is short. We have to be dare to dream, and dare to do.

Though the wisdom Charlie had cannot last forever, he can proudly said: I had been a clever one before!! No regret.

today is today!

2011-09-14T00:09:00.000+08:00

我想我真的累了

怎么会这样啊

才工作三个月不到

竟然，如此的堕落

说真的

工作虽然没有所谓的projects, assignments, tests and finals,

但每个工作天就是考试的日子

每个工作天都是叫功课的日子

天天提心吊胆

深怕被叫

害怕被骂

过得比final还累

期待实习结束的那一天

还有63工作天

63天，真的很长很长

希望它可以尽量缩短

小叮当在哪儿

好像借借任意门一用

直接飞到63天后 =（

怀念在大学的时光

虽然读书读到半条命

但至少有朋友

有弟兄姐妹

在这里

人生地不熟的

。。。。。

真的不敢想象未来

我到底要怎样tahan未来几十年的工作生涯？

haizzz

就像roomate讲的

找个有钱人嫁掉算了

每天当少奶奶

逛街买东西出国旅行

-可以把这个当成我的梦想吗？-

月亮的夜

2011-09-13T00:16:00.001+08:00

今晚

这样的夜

静静的

听听力宏的歌

突然

心情好沉重

好爱好爱这首歌

他写出了他的寂寞

唱出了我的孤单

感人的歌不必华丽不需装饰

吉他和钢琴

简单的旋律

舒服

入心。

一个我需要梦想需要方向需要眼泪

这无声的夜现在的我

需要人陪。

梦想是什么？有了梦想又怎样？方向在那里？有了方向又怎样?

无声的夜象征内心的平淡，简简单单，安安静静就是最好的陪伴。

Internship- greatest nightmare

2011-08-24T00:37:00.001+08:00

My Dear Blog, Long time no see. I miss you, as this is the only place for me to release everything inside me. I am so stressful these few days. I was shivering in the office. Not only because of the coldness but the stress and nervousness. I don't think I am able to cope with working lifestyle. It is so tiring and so stressful. I was so stressful with the report, more stress then doing assignment or project. Everyone is expecting the high standard and professional thingy from me. What la. I am an intern ok. Please understand la. I want to die already. Huhu.. Really feel like preparing for final, camping in IRC, rushing for Projects and assignments throughout the night is much more easier and relaxing.
Huh.. Working with two different type of boss. Two is sooooooooooooooooooooooo@#@$#!$#!
one is high expectation, want everything fast, no time for you to think but finished it, very direct in marah-ing people.
another one is never marah people. But when you do thing wrongly, will talk to you in a very sarcastic way. this make me sakit hati the most. The type of face and the content of explanation is so sarcastic.. I don't know how to describe but, its really menyakitkan hati.
Another is my big boss. Met him twice. First time screaming and yelling but today ok ok la. Can laugh and talk nicely. But in the end start to yell again. Luckily the meeting finished. But that 3 hours really like 30000 years for me. Its so scary to be in the meeting with all the high class people.
SiewChing. Please be more alert and Independent and Aggressive. TanSiewChing. You can!! In God Nothing is Impossible.

Lord dady, Thanks and please continue to bless me. Bless me so that I can stand all the happenings, please...

intern, I like it.

2011-08-04T22:12:00.001+08:00

hmm.. going to talk about internship today.
Internship is fun, provided you like the job you are currently doing, u choose the right field for intern. Thanks God, I did. Though I am a IS student, I choose to go into Finance. Seriously I like figures more than the codes. I never miss programming all these 9 weeks. haha... I am sure I will miss figures after I go back to uni.
During the internship, I got a chance to work with people in Thailand and Indonesia (actually just once per month, through email), but this is a good experience as an inters, able to handle a project which include other countries.
Besides, I got the chance to look at the real contracts, which they keep so PnC till only ours department can look through them. If you want to have a look at the contract, you will have to apply permission. But seriously, I don't feel how amazing is reading and exploring the contract. Its just all words, all professional English words which make me pening pening when I look through them. Really, I can be in the legal team ady since I have gone through almost all of the contracts in 2011 and some in 2010. haha.. Should be a lawyer la... xD
My favourite job is the budgeting. Opex (Operating Expenses) and Capex(Capital Expenses). You gotta look at the figures for few Excel sheet, compile, sort, figure, slash bla bla bla. So many things to handle, but, I like it. Haha..
The greatest experience is able to attend meeting with all the head of department and the head of all the head of department(means head of GIOD GT. But GIOD GT got many department lagi). It is really a GREAT experience. I tend to know what's the condition when all LEADERs meet, Leaders vs Super Leader. My Big Boss is very fussy and garang. And, I finally got a chance to witness his garang-ness and fussy-ness. He just enter the meeting room, marah and shouting and pointing at people directly. The worst thing is he don't give chance to people to explain. When he asked a question, you have to answer short and precise. He don't even let anyone to finish talking (the HOD not even finish one sentence and he will said, I don't want to hear this). Haiz.. If I was the HOD, I will cry la I think. Haha..
And meeting with too many leaders is a big disasters as you will heard many conversations happen at one time. Everyone will have something to say and everyone never willing to let other people talk first ( a very typical leader style) and leader will talk non-stop and never in line with the meeting agenda. Argh.. Luckily I am not the one who did the recording. If not I will sure go crazy..
One bad thing about intern is the stress. It is really stressful (for me la) as I tend to make mistakes and my sv will show a kind of face. It is not angry not disappointment. Its a kind of face that make me lost my confident and feel very disappointed and frustrated of myself. Haiyoo.. but normally after eating I will feel happy again. haha..

as a whole, I like internship. I enjoy it so much, Thanks God for placing me in CIMB. Thanks God for blessing me with all the wisdom, patient, courageous I have. I will continue to enjoy my internship to the max, just, must must must reduce my carelessness la pleaseeeeeeeeeee

020811

2011-08-02T22:58:00.000+08:00

9th weeks of my internship. Cannot deny, I love intern very much. No assignment, no tests, no quizzes, no projects, no presentation bla bla bla. Though working is tiring and boring and challenging and stressful, I still like it so much. I love the works/tasks I am doing and dealing everyday. I think I know what I like and what I want. Thanks God and Praise God that finally I know what I want. heehee..

These few months (2 only) I get used to the working environment, my roomate as well as the church. Thanks God as there are Sarawakians / Bintulu-ians in the church. Thanks God the brothers and sisters are so caring and willing to talk to me. hehehee

I had decided, to follow Jesus. I had decided to carry the cross, my cross, to follow Jesus, no matter in what situation, ease or suffers. I got a lot to say, but i lazy to type out.

Tomorrow got a BIGGGGGGGGGGGGGG meeting. With my super boss, boss besar for whole GIOD-GT. I had heard how fussy he is, even more fussy than my HOD. Hopefully I can survive in the meeting. God, Please help me and bless me..........

Hmm... I miss Ipoh's food la.. I miss white coffee.. I miss the taufufa, I miss the Jusco and Tesco (seriously I cant find any in KL). Miss my jie jie and church friends and IT/IS people too.. Huhuhuhu

13.07.11

2011-07-13T23:39:00.000+08:00

长大了，就不一样了
不像小孩般天真
不再活泼
压力更大
责任增加
不可嘴边苦闹
有问题自己扛
有烦恼自己知
有眼泪自己吞

没有人会把你当小孩
没有人呵护你
做错了是要负责
不会做要自己解决

要快乐就要简单，如小孩般简单。。。

01.07.11

2011-07-02T09:50:00.002+08:00

I am writing this when I am in the office. Yeah, I am working now, as an intern, in CIMB Bank. Haha.. This was written in the office, but posted in my room. I cannot access internet at my workplace, only the intranet. So whenever I am bored, or lazy to do my job, I will just go to the CIMBNet, read the blog by MY CEO, Dr Nazri. He is the brother of our prime minister oo.. Today I feel like writing something, instead of reading the CEO’s Blog.

I recall back to the past, and felt that how fast the time past (I think the time pass slowly
la now =p)
It had been 8 years I “become” a Christian. 8 years I know God, and accept Jesus Christ as my personal savior. It was wonderful experiences how I get know to God and how I received Jesus Christ as my personal savior. Really thanks God for giving me this opportunity. Really thanks Him for His guidance and blessing. I remembered 4th April 2003, which is the most important day in my life, even much more important than my
birthday. This was the day I received Jesus into my life, be my personal savior. Every year, I will spend time praying and thanks God for His guidance of the year.

I have no reason why I wrote this today. Just suddenly feel of sharing all these with myself. To remind myself how great God is, how blessing I am and how minor I am. Without God, I cannot go through many things and cannot get what I am having now. There are always up and down in our lives, in my life too. I go through the high and down, the smooth and challenges, worries and relax. But what I can said is, no matter what condition I am in, no matter what challenges I am having, I feel calm and relax, because I know God is with me, I know He will bless me, I know He had arranged everything and will blessed me with the best. I know there is nothing for me to worry about. In faith, I believe.

Dear Lord Daddy,
Thanks for being in my life. thanks fro helping and guiding me. your daughter here maybe disobedience, maybe naughty, maybe lazy, maybe selfish, arrogant, proud, judgemental and bla bla bla. there are a lot of negative characteristics in me which will be a bad testimony for you, but thank you, you still be with me. help me and guide me through all these, so that I wont repeat my mistake again and again, change me as i know, prayer changes things. in jesus name i pray, Amen.

forth week =)

2011-06-28T20:54:00.000+08:00

yeah, this is my forth week of internship. Getting used to working style. But, still as sleepy as before when comes to afternoon. OMG! How I wish I can just simply close my eyes and have a nap in the afternoon. Forgot to inform, the aircond in the office is soooooooo cold, make me feel like I am in the north. Even colder and cooler than IRC or Chancellor Hall in UTP. I am freezing in the office everyday and wondering why no one complains about it.. haizz..

i am busy with my works everyday. Facing the challenge day by day. As I am new, know nothing about the things I am doing, so I need time(alot) to get used of the things I am doing. Feel myself so lousy need so much time to get used of new things. Haiz. But, I did try my very super duper best, and I like what I am doing.

Found a church, which is actually far from my place. Thanks to the bros and sis there, for willing to fetch me in and out. what make me feel happy is that, there are lots of sarawakians there.. hehe.. feel so happy can meet the people from my home town. Feel homey when I go to church. The pastors are good, environment is nice, people are friendly and.... its teaching is according to bible. YEAY.. thanks God for answering my prayer.. Halleluya Praise God..

Oh.. got my FIRST salary in my life time. haahaa... 514rm only =( since in June I work for only 3 weeks, need to minus 11% for the epf. So left a bit only.. Cannot spend too much lerr Tan Siew Ching, remember, you want to buy smart phone?? Hehehe. Working hard to hit my target..

hmm... what to update?? my roomate is good, friendly, talkative and happy person.. oh, a good driver as well. hahaa =)
my housemate all baik baik belaka, though I meet them once in a bluemoon, except one guy, not sure if he is international or malay, look weird, but, who care?? haha.. I seldom meet him pun.. heehee

then, this saturday we plan to go shopping, since got the salary. hahaa.. hehe.. hoho.. looking forward for it. Gonna to use the bus. Hopefully we succeed in using the bus. First time ba. hehe..

dear lord, thanks for everything. thank you for answering my prayer. continue to bless my intern life, grant me the wisdom in handling my job. bless me so that i can serve you in my new church. In jesus name i pray, Amen.

_dear jie jie, I miss you a lot. Miss the moment you update ba gua to me once in a while. Miss the time when we meet each other when cooking, miss the moment you talk to me and i listen to you. take good care.. Enjoy your life.. see you not very soon. haha_

14.06.11

2011-06-14T21:33:00.002+08:00

finally finally finally
I got my REAL job officially. It is challenging one, tough and.. hard to understand. It is really hard, too and over finance.. really finance. I dont understand.. i dono apa benda tu.. and my sv is always busy. she expect me to know and understand everything. but, i dont la.

though it is tough, i like the challenge, i enjoy the toughness.. hahah.. crazy me.. hehe
I just hope the utp accept my job as a project, then i no nid to change company loo.. hehe

i still dono how to go to church. have to call the church tomorrow la.. really have to.. cannot afford to go church every week by taxi. Bankrupt la.. heehee.. long time din go sunday service liao. luckily got go to camps, not to enjoy but to do work for God. enjoy the time in the camp. I hope and wish to join more. (= hehe

God, grant me the wisdom so that i know how to handle my job. thanks for giving what i had, having and will have. Bless that my project will be accepted. Help me so that i can find a church with van to bring me to church. god, please lord o god.. In jesus name i pray, amen..

i miss my friends in utp. i miss ipoh church. i miss everyone in the AMC.. miss you all =)
love,
from me.. hehe

07.06.11

2011-06-07T19:02:00.000+08:00

seems like I am doing daily report on my internship here. haha.. Then I can just copy and paste my blog into my log book. haha.. Who cares XD

hmm..
today, my supervisor still busy, so busy till no time to give us jobs. plus, havent got my worker pass, no password to access desktop, no employee's email.. haiz.. cimb memang slow la.. haizz..
the working environment here is nice. everyone seems enjoying there stressful jobs. some even work till after 6pm.. look like ah teck and I is the earliest to leave the company.. haha.. paiseh lerr..
in the office we can do anything we like, can eat can talk on phone can sms, as long as the boss tak nampak. hahaha... and the attire, not really need formal la, just blouse. I think i got not enough blouse to wear la.. haiyerrrr.. got too many formal baju liao.

today we went back home at 6pm, not because we are busy, but too paiseh to leave the office so early. haha... but, we can only tahan till 6pm, then ciao. imagine, 6pm, the office still full with people, meeting la, do works la.. haizzzzzz.... can imagine my life after my supervisor assign job to me. heehee..

so thats all for today. =)

06.06.11

2011-06-06T20:31:00.000+08:00

1st day of work, BORED. my sv no time to layan me.. i found that my job is stressful. I need to help my sv do the budget thingy for all Cimb (IT aspect).. for whole Cimb means.. not only Cimb in Malaysia.. waaa... so geng one my job.. haha..

god, lead me and guide me. teach me how to do, lead me so that i finish my job.. nicely and perfectly. in jesus name i pray, amen.

05.06.11

2011-06-05T19:54:00.000+08:00

i move into my new house this afternoon... friendly roomate (ah teck) and friendly house owner. the aunty uncle talk a lot to us. haha.
i like my house. i got internet to use. i got washing machine. i got aircond. i got personal toilet. few days later ah teck will bring car here. wow. haha. nice nice nice.
hope everything will be ok. hope that my supervisor is a nice one. hope that i really got something to do. hope that i will be given opportunity to handle project. hope that i can save money. wish to sponsor my parents here during december. haha. hehe. hope can buy myself a new smartphone. hehe.. really too many things in my wishlists.

lord,
i want to thanks god, as he answered my prayer. i thanks him for being with me. i thanks him for guiding and blessing me. thanks lord daddy. I love you.
lord daddy in the heaven. bless your daughter here, for the next 6months++ internship. bless me so that i can be a good daughter of you. respect everyone, be good to everyone. hehe.. in jesus name i pray, amen!

10.05.11

2011-05-10T23:10:00.000+08:00

I dono what to write. haha.. but feel like updating the blog.
Finished my finals. Die DIE die and, DIe. But who cares, its holidays, and its birhday.. haha

Thanks UTP management for being caring, finished all my exam on my birthday.
Thanks CIMB my offer letter reached. Signed. Feel happy when saw the date written is 10.05.11. This is the most important day to me. haha. hehe.
Thanks to kawan-kawan that willing to celebrate for me, though you all still have paper going on tomorrow. Thank you very much. So touching. Thanks for the cake, the food, the service, the laughters, the companionship, the sharing and caring and the friendship. Love you all so much. =)

Thanks God for blessing me all these years. Everything I had and everything I gone through, is the blessing from you. I know you love me, and I love you too. Forever. Pray that my faith on you will be growing, eternally. No matter how big or small the problem is, I put it in your hand. I know you will lead. Amen

一步一步，是恩典之路；
一步一步，迈向天路。

Wonder...ing

2011-05-06T22:54:00.000+08:00

wondering how am I going to do well in tomorrow's paper. What am I going to write? Still haven't finish studying, and I am... Blogging?? haha.. My eyes and brain repelling the words. What to do?

Enjoy =)

4 more papers to go. can't wait for that time. God Bless me and you! Amen !

A day before 1st paper start

2011-05-05T09:53:00.000+08:00

Seriously not in good mood. 5 papers in a row is not something fun, though you will finish everything early, can be said is among the earliest. But, what's the point you finish so early while everyone still suffering for the final? No one celebrate with you also. And, I am not well prepared. I am not prepared. Felt sad when seeing my IP tests marks, it is really very very bad, plus, I did bad in my project. Don't wish to fail. Get at least a B please.
Tomorrow afternoon is when the war will begin. I can say is, I am prepared to injured in the war, Please don't let me die also. Do not wish to retake or resit any paper. Haizz.. 3.0 is my this sem target. No longer hoping for dean's list. Really no hope for that. *I am hoping for miracle btw*

Seriously having headache now and then. Many things to worried with. Many things need to settle. SIIU rushing for the offer letter but the company haven't give me one. Haiyoo.. pray that the offer letter will be emailed to me fast fast. Then I can report to the SIIU asap dy.

Searching for a room during study week is not something fun also. I have not much time left. 16th May need to move out already, and my initial plan is to go find a room on 16th. My plan ruined. Need to go KL alone before that to confirm the room.

* Lord, I pray that I will concentrate on my studies these few days, till 10th May. Pray that whatever I read whatever I revise will go into my mind and remain there till my exam end. Pray that I will always seek for you and pray to you. Pray that my quiet time with you won't be lesser and lesser. Pray that my faith on you will continue to grow stronger, pray that my life in you will continue to be blesses. In Jesus name I pray, Amen. *

02.05.11

2011-05-02T14:05:00.001+08:00

Final first paper just around the corner. This Friday, and, this semester, I am having five papers in a row. Non stop. Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday.. After that, holiday **wink**

I am not looking forward to holidays, as, I am n0t willing to gone through this so call study days. I am Dead. 5 subjects, haven't really started one subject, not even one chapter. How am I going to test room? I dono. Don't ask me. I just simply can't find my motivation. Where is my motivation? Where is my ohm.. Arrggg.. sh*t. Lost somewhere I think.

Not in a good mood. No mood to study, even no mood to eat. Haha.. But still forcing myself to go out and eat, as that is the only reason for me to leave my room, with a destination.. and.. only way to chit chat with friends. One more thing is... that stupid IRC open only tomorrow. How can I finish all within 3 days?? 3 days five subjects. God Bless Tan Siew Ching

Corporate Ethics - As boring as Moral. All memorising. With Laws and Principles and definitions and rules and condition.

IPM - the worst lecturer i had ever got. He taught until chapter 3 and told us final till chapt 10. Qu si la you. You thought we are genius har? May be some of them are but I am NOT!!!!

Econs - same lecturer as IPM. But Econs he is better. But he enjoy skipping the slides. He enjoy cancel the 2nd hour of the lecture. (we only got 2 hours class each week, after the discount, we left only an hour of lecture per week)

CF - I have a good and responsible lecturer for this subject, but, the course is too hard and tough and difficult. Even with formula sheets provided I am sure I won't know which figures to use for each calculation.

IP - As usual, programming is not my cup of tea. No fate.

Don't know what will happen during the final exam. Don't know how I will react when I am in the test room. I think I will be crying, I think I will fail, I think, I will die,

YET. I STILL DON'T HAVE MOTIVATION TO STUDY. =(

Dear Lord daddy in heaven.
Please bless your daughter here, so that i can start study, start revision, concentrate, not distracted by anything. Bless my studies,bless my spiritual life as well. Love you forever. Have faith in you forever, obey you forever, grow in you forever. In jesus name i pray, Amen.

random updates

2011-04-13T21:45:00.000+08:00

finish my only event this semester.. EDX Pro.. enjoy and fun and.. get a KFC. wakaka

everyone is wondering why am not worried with my internship. my parents are so worried. even my brother also. But, I know i got God with me. I know everything will ok soon, and will over soon.

My final finished on 10th May.. SC bday.. hmm.. but, most(all) of my friends not finished that early.. they still got papers on next few days.. hmm.. will be alone i think..

not going home before intern. want to rent house and get used of the environment. need to learn how to use map. if not i will lost everyday.. haizz

i think i will be joining a church camp before i go intern.. happy that i got a chance to serve god before going intern. hope that everything will go smooth.. god.. help me so that i can go that camp.

dono when mummy and daddy want to come visit me at kl i think.. they are so busy, but still ask them to come. haiyoo.. i din go back wa.. so ask them to come la.. heehee

many things havent do, especially the IP. not i don wan to do but is i dono how to do. haizzz

22.03.11

2011-03-22T18:13:00.000+08:00

its really not good when you see everyone getting an offer, or even offers, while you still worrying why no company wants you. Its really bad. Its really not a good feeling. Checking phone calls from time to time. Checking email every minute, but found out its all useless mails. I feel really sad.
God, why i didn't get any offer wor? I so lousy meh? Why I have to be so suffer wor? Haiz..
Keep on telling myself not to lose faith in you. Keep on reminding myself to be happy with what my my friends got. Keep on reminding me to continue praying. But, I always fail. Jealousy always occur. Dissatisfaction keep on pondering me. Yeah. I know, I am not a good one.
God, Help me. So that I can get a good offer, soon.. Very soon. And, please remind me not to lose faith in you. I have to continue to believe in you, continue to love you and continue to pray for myself.

congratzzz my friendsss that got offers and an offer.

the end of our world..

2011-03-20T02:09:00.000+08:00

disasters hitting the Earth non-stop. I feel really sad every day looking at the news describing the condition of Japan, and how the nuclear energy affecting people, and how many people are willing to sacrifice to cool down the nuclear.

hmm..

here come a popular question. Many people are asking or being asked. "What will you do if you know the next minute is the end of the world?"

But the question is: Will we know when is the end of the world?

No... NO.. No.. NO, but I know SOON.

God said: No body will know when is the second coming of Jesus. But when he came, the world will come to an end. I remember in one of the Gospel Book, it says, the second coming of Jesus, will be very quiet, just like a thief go break into a house, without alerting the owner.

In the last book of the bible, Revelation , it says that signs for the end of the world is when the countries fight against each other, disasters coming, fake prophets start to make fake prophecies and so on, and we can see that all these are happening. These are all signs telling us that Jesus are coming soon, just, we will never know when is the exact date.

So, how can we answer that question?

What I will do is, make everyday a "wont regret day".

1. Do all the things I want to do and I have to do.

-There is always a possibilities that tomorrow will not be coming.

2. Say all the words I want to say

-Tell friends how much you care them. Tell your parents how much you love them. Tell your siblings how much you concern about them. You will never know whats happening next second, not to say next day.

3. Be a good testimony for God.

-Tell everyone around you who the ONLY TRUE GOD is.. Pray for them, share with them. Let everyone gather together in the Heaven.

4. Prepare to see God

- Had SC prepare herself to see God? Ask yourself before you decide to sleep. As you may be called to see God during that night.

Hope that everyone can live a full and enjoyable life. Rejoice in lord.

07.03.11

2011-03-07T13:40:00.001+08:00

这几天心情不是很好

真的真的真的很不好，

可倾诉的对象，变了

变得不再单身，不再有空理我

剩下的，都忙，都有各自更要好的朋友

这才发觉，原来我，在原地

一个人回味着，当初

谢谢孤单的陪伴，我才不至于寂寞。

真的不知为什么EQ变低了

压力越大，越做不出东西来

想法很多，但诱惑更多

每每向发愤图强的时候

烦恼总是来报到

到头来又是一团糟

多三天，就放假了

熬多三天吧

要在放假的时候好好的整理自己

不要再依赖任何人

不再向往任何人的安慰

要

自己保护自己

自己照顾自己

自己安慰自己

自己快乐自己笑

自己的苦自己吞

自己悲伤自己哭

自己的眼泪自己擦.....

2011-03-06T00:49:00.001+08:00

only God knows........ yeah... only HIM.

the trip and the day

2011-02-27T02:20:00.002+08:00

end my penang trip. its more to a trip rather than an interview. hmm.. why did i say so??
right after we breathe the air of penang, we went to a friend's house, which make me feel like am staying at my own home. got a nice bathroom to bath, nice bedroom and nice tv programme.
during the dinner time, the mother cook a lot of home-cook food for us. fish, egg, herbs soup, pork, vegetables and many more. its just like what we ate during the reunion dinner.

haha..

after the dinner, i got the chance to walk around the housing area. all the houses there are.. wow.. so big and luxury, with all the luxury cars parked. i saw one house got 6 cars. Imagine, the parking lots able to park 6 cars. How big is the house. Fuiyoh.. really need to go penang cari makan. haha..
after the walk, we enjoy the super fast wifi at the house, sambil discuss the interview stuffs and sambil read the corporate finance, kononlah. haha.. but we end up chatting and talking and online-ing.. I don't really care on the interview next day. haaha

next day, i woke up not really early also, 8am, since my interview is 11am. no point for waking up so early. after wear all the formal shirts and shoes, the parents brought us for dim sum. the dim sum there, ok ok la. since i didn't really go and choose the food. they ordered what i eat what. i didn't have the feeling of interview until we reached the building of the office.

the suntech building really sibeh high tech and high class. a lot of the offices located there, and it got around 20++ floors. the office located at the 16th, and we have to use 2 lift to reach there. the even before we enter the second lift, we have to give our ic to the pak guard. the security memang... good!!!
i feel so nervous all the way go up, since its my first interview ma. then feel nervous also afraid will get lost. but the moment the girl open the office door and i sit on the sofa, all my nervousness just hilang like that. haha. i also don't know why. the environment is really comfortable that will make you feel like you want to work there and be part of them. i don't know how to describe the feeling, but once i enter there i really really really like the place.

then, the interviewer came and ask us who want to answer the questions and who want to go interview. fast fast i go volunteer myself for answering questions.what i expect is the personality or the psychology questions. but... haizz.. it is all the technical things. html, write coding, css, php, java script, sql and also the misc. haha. most of them i never heard pun a. then i just.. ok la. simply answer la. i browse through all the questions and finished it within 10-20minutes. suddenly, i ter-look one thing : duration= 60 minutes.
Apuuuu.. 60 minutes leh... looking at all the questions, i was sooooo stress and hoping my friend that went for interview can finish faster. mana tau his interview also 60 minutes. aduhai.. i spend half an hour doing nothing, starring at the question paper..

tik tak tik tak... time past.

my turn to interview. Huh. so relief. i just go in the office, and talk talk talk for one hour. haha. mostly is the interviewer talk la. she talk a lot, and i talk a lot also. it was just like a normal conversation with friends. till the end i wan so relax that all the " lah" "oh" "harr" came out dy. i was really so so so relax that i forgotten i was actually being interviewed. haha..
then reached the time for me to ask question. of course the benefits, vacancies and $$$$$$. that company also very dai fong one lo. she say if she really want me, if la, salary is not a problem. i can always discuss wor. ok lo then. haha..

then, finally the interview session came to an end. then terus we go makan again...
i was so stress till i don't really know what i am eating. haha
after went back to my friend's house, rest a while, the parents sent us back here. what an enjoyable journey!
thanks god blessed me with this journey, this opportunity and this hospitality i get. i believe with your grace, you will sure place me to anywhere you want to put me..

p/s: i havent give up my china... china china.. i wan intern at u there lerrrrr

上帝看顾的2010

2010-12-29T21:29:00.002+08:00

2010
上帝祝福，保守，看顾，恩典，如往年，不改变，满满的，满到溢出来。
感恩

2010
不都是顺利地。当中有高山有低谷，荆棘处处可见，又常常绕圈圈走歪路，怨天怨自己，搞到负伤累累。
但很感恩。上帝眷顾我，带领我，陪伴我，一步一步走过所有的困难。派天使帮助我，借着很多人事物安慰我。所有的所有，感谢主，谢谢上帝

2010
有很多上帝的功课都不及格。信心不够，忍耐不够。谢谢上帝，让我学习，让我一次又一次的面临考验，为的是增加我的信心，为了要让我的忍耐可以继续加强。
很感恩，上帝没有离弃我，很感恩，上帝抓紧我。

2010
事奉上有进步，虽然不懂为什么常被叫去伴唱，因为我真得唱得很烂。但告诉自己要将一切交给上帝，有多少就给多少，单纯简单的事奉。
很开心在怡保堂，一个离自己家乡很远的地方，所有的弟兄姐妹可以单单凭着爱主愿意事奉的心，聚集并彼此配搭侍奉上帝，服侍人。

2010
学习上，有进步一点点。懒惰，持续。但，至少很多东西不再最后一秒钟。[一点点的进步是为了以后大大的进步而储蓄的=）]
弱的科目还是很差，希望不要不及格。上帝看顾please..

2010
感谢朋友们，有人向我坦白了，虽然不是当面，但很开心，因为我真的很在乎。
感恩陪我走过风雨的大家，感恩让我发脾气的你们，感恩感谢

2010
真的很美好，虽然忘了2010具体的发生了什么事。哈哈... 我就是这样的好个性，过去的通通都忘掉，都放下，不要留恋。纪念上帝的恩典，展望充满祝福的未来。

picture of the year...
continue to work for a better SIEW CHING

change change change

2010-12-28T13:52:00.001+08:00

hmm..
i change my blog template again... haha.. (changed it few months ago)
changed quite a lot of things.
quite satisfy with it current condition.
enjoy looking at it oso. haha

countdown to newyear... 4days... hippie hippie yeah yeah

i want to do something with my hair. but i dono nid to do what. time to visit the saloon and seek advices...
but when leh??

long random update =)

2010-12-22T22:24:00.000+08:00

having my holidays,
enjoying my nothing-to-do lifestyle,
complaining at the same time =p
memang too free waaa..
but,
this is holidays kan..
so stop complaining la Tan Siew Ching!

2010 going to end lo.
and,
i got nothing to write for 2010
not that 2010 is not significant enough for me to write down,
just... i had forgotten ALL of those.
heehee
this is me,
no matter is the happy or sad,
i wont remember,
just let them go
those can never be repeat,
can never be rewind,
no point of memorising those.
all i want is
thanks god and praise god
2010
thanks for guiding me
thanks for blessing me
thanks for leading me
thanks thanks thanks
may god blessing continue to be with me (i know YOU will =p)

yeah.. Christmas is coming
i got no special thing to do on that day
as usual
yet
excited
waiting for the time to date with god
silently, pass my silent night, with god.
heehee

new year is coming lo
this year do what leh?
want to watch TV and listen to all the celerities singing.. hehe
wang lee hom appear kat mana a?
and aunt susan gonna be on hunan wei shi..
not gonna miss it =)

one more month...
i will be back to utp
jie jie is goign back too
though i dont know why she want to go back
haha. so miss me meh...
i also don't know why i want to go back
just go back to follow up everything.
next sem is a challenging one...
need to polish all my weapons to make sure i win in the battle

then will be CNY
i haven't start buying the baju
i still dono what to do with my hair
haha
sui bian la.
anything dou ok
i want ang pau ang pau ang pau
hohoho
i want eat eat eat eat n eat
=P
though i know i am as round as tang yuan ady =p
happy is the most important

hmm
i still wondering want to take finance management or corporate management
rasa rasa i want to change to finance loo..
hmm
thats mean i have to re-register LOTS of my course lo..
haiz. memang ma fan
god, tell me la... mana satu to choose.. hen fan loo

this holidays i am as fei as before. just thanks daddy for the broadband, i can online.. face the book =) heehee
really need to get something to read
need to do wishlist for 2011
hehe

GOD BLESS

祝福你

2010-11-28T03:22:00.000+08:00

愿你会看到。

只想告诉你
我明白，
真的明白
这。。。
应该是你我该有的默契吧

每个人有自己的方式
自己的习惯
自己的生活
不必为了符合任何人而改变自己
做一个开心的自己
找一个真正的自己

展翅高飞吧
无论去到哪里
记得要快乐
记得要忍耐
记得要做好自己
忍耐不等于改变原来的自己哦~

找一个适合你的人
找一个更明白你的人
找一个你可以接纳的人
找一个你可以展现自我的人

还有。。
要记得上帝^^

祝福你

长大了

2010-11-22T09:47:00.003+08:00

长大了
不要动不动就想哭
没有人会借你肩膀靠
没有人会为了你的眼泪可怜你
没有人会应为你而留下

反而
眼泪显示你的软弱
眼泪展现你的脆弱

记住
你的不足不能用眼泪填满
你的不能不会因为眼泪而变得能
一切
不能应眼泪而解

长大了
该给自己的是微笑
微笑不能填补你的不足
不能解决你的软弱
不能给你坚强

微笑不需肩膀
它
比眼泪来得容易
不需要躲起来
不需要擦眼泪
不需要得到别人的同情

微笑让你看似坚强
微笑让你看似勇敢
微笑让你看似能够
微笑让你看似开朗
虽然都是虚伪

至少，
在眼泪流下之前
你
笑过。

study week

2010-11-12T00:47:00.000+08:00

just want to say...

this study week memang haizz

eat and sleep

study

not in a good proccess

wondering how i able to finish all the things i need to read

not enough time a..

dear study ohm..

come here come here

don't leave me so long

leave a while can laaa

now come back

please

come come come

let me study hard ar

i want to study hard

God.. help me. grant me the wisdom i need. give me the strength to work hard and study hard. bless my studies. in jesus name i pray, amen.

i eat a lot. haha.. a lot alot. non-stop

jigglypuff.. i will miss you.. huhu ='(

专心仰望主

2010-11-08T00:08:00.002+08:00

好想知道自己是否可以

只想凭信心走下去

不要犹豫

不要心怀二意

专心仰望主

一切就平安

上帝必赐福保守

谢谢上帝

即使现在很担心

愿上帝看顾

谢谢上帝

愿上帝拯救更多的灵魂

愿上帝让他领命增长

God is Holding me.
may glory be to GOd

Wednesday

2010-11-03T09:59:00.002+08:00

its Wednesday. the day i have been waiting for finally reached. As today, i will finish all my tests, assignments, presentations, projects, quizzes for this semester. hehee.

huh.. i hope i can go through these. hope today can be as smooth as monday. dont be tuesday! may god lead me and bless me. may what i had put effort in get the satisfied result. god, help me yeah.

after today really need to reduce the food i consume. hahaa. i stress than i eat. even i feel very full i will eat also. cannot stop it. gained weight. haizz. nid to at least back to as before la. n nid to take care of my face liao. all pimples start popping out and its soooo horrible. after today la har i do all this.

sorry to siewching for making you in such horrible situation. please bare with me one more day. then i will take good care of you yeah.

thanks God for making me go through the Monday, Tuesday, and one quarter of wednesday (till now). may your grace be with me... forever and ever. Amen.

there is always a way, as God's love is a never-ending love.

updates

2010-10-26T08:15:00.000+08:00

dreamt yesterday. not a good one. i cried in my dream. haha. its just a dream.
i miss my daddy. i remember in my dream, i hugged daddy n cried out. hmm.. i really miss him now.

these few days will be tiring and exciting. will wonder when can finish my job. will thinking and arranging time to do all the things i need to. but always fail to do it. haiz. to many emergency cases.

i wan my ohm back la. i want to do the works hard... but i am so tired. once i slept i will reluctant to wake up again. haizzz haizz haizzzz

these few days not in a good mood also. sorry if i ter-hurt or ter-marah anyone. i dont mean it. sorry to my mouth for saying so much "unhealthy" words. haha. sorry my ears for letting you heard that. sorry to my friends' ear for ter-let you all listened the "unhealthy". heeheeehee..

ok. later got one presentation. at 9am.
god help me. i know you will be there for me. grant me the power, bless me with the wisdom and the energy i need. help me to arrange my time, so that i can finish all my works on time. and chase away the sleepiness and laziness in me. in jesus name i pray. amen. =)

i miss daddy. this is the conclusion!!

off from FB

2010-10-15T15:44:00.000+08:00

since i am too busy start from this very moment, so i decided to stop keep on clicking and viewing FB until my works finished.
i dono how long i can tahan. but for sure i wont on FB 24 hours as before. wont go check for updates in few minutes. wont shuang shuang go read and leave comments. i will still unlock my weather mood icon. haha =p
really hope that i can concentrate on my works.
DONT LAZY ah TAN SIEW CHING
DONT SLEPPY ah TAN SIEW CHING
DONT YAWNING ah TAN SIEW CHING
DONT EAT TOO MUCH ah TAN SIEW CHING
DO PRAY MORE
DO CONCENTRATE
DO DO WORK EFFICIENTLY

since i wont b FB, guess i will come here and release my stress and writing blog more often. hehe.. 5mins break on blogging. should be cool. can improve my writing skills oso. haha.

bye for now.
god bless you all.
aja aja fighting

busy.busy.busy.busy.busy.busy.busy.

2010-10-13T20:29:00.001+08:00

super busy..
here are my taskssss

SAD project+presentation + test 2
MIS presention + test 2
SBE report + presentation + Quiz a.k.a. Test 2 + Assignment 3
BSD assignment presentation + test2 + project + project presentation
DCN project + presentation
HSE test 2

wish me good luck

星期日早晨

2010-10-10T08:15:00.000+08:00

过了一个精彩的星期六
去了想去的地方
买了想买的东西
吃了想吃的
看了想看的
轻松，自在，快乐，简单
即使再累
也不会有怨言

今早大开眼睛
想的是project还没做
在头脑一直盘算着
怎样用最简单的方法把该做的都做完
思考着
如何解决project的难题
心里很乱
很紧张
压力

原来
轻松自在的生活只是短暂的
即使你一天把自己与压力隔离
过了放松的时间
压力还是会回来
它会穷追不舍
短暂的快乐
真的很短暂
但又和奈
生活还是得过
功课必需做
问题终究要解决

孤单的时候又寂寞相伴
现在加上压力
不是更热闹吗？

aaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrr!!

2010-10-08T00:00:00.001+08:00

aaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

project project projectsssss. test test testsss. presentation presentation presentationsssss. i got at least three for eat of that. in less than one months. few weeks time only.

i wan sea. i wan big big sea. i wan to shout loud loud to the sea. i wan to release and let out everything by shouting. will they consider me crazy if i go shout kat the lake a?

i wan to eat nice food. i wan sr. i wan bucks. i wan bread+peanut. i wan chocolates. i wan mcd. i wan pasta. i wan biscuits. i wan i wan i wan.

so many things to do in so short time. many tasks, and all are so difficult. haiz. and the lecturers so kedekut in giving the marks.

please allow me to say d*a*n. s**t. huhuhu...

i dono how to settle my things la. i dono if i can finished all or not.
wana go out play la. play play play. enjoy enjoy enjoy. spend money money money. but... no money la.
wat la!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i wan to go home. wan to get the souvenirs mummy bought for me ONLY. need to wait for months b4 i can see the baju and the bag mummy bought for me.

i will be like this a??? don wan!!!!!!!!!

将完全的献上，不是有余了再献上。

2010-10-04T15:49:00.002+08:00

Luke 21:4　因为众人都是自己有余，拿出来投在捐项里；但这寡妇是

自己不足，把她一切养生的都投上了。”

[将完全的献上，不是有余了再献上]

as a christian, we need to offer what God give us to server Him. I read this verse in the book of Luke..
it is like this:
there are two people doing offering. one is the rich guy. he proudly put a lot of money into the box. there come one old and poor lady. She offers only 2ringgit.
The Jesus says: All these people gave their gifts out of their wealth; but she out of her poverty put in all she had to live on.

This is what i felt after reading this verse.
we do pray. we do read the bible. we do serve God. we do offer money in church.
but,
are we do this only when we are free? only we got urgent things? or are we are the one that pray and read bible only we got remaining time in one day? or we feel like doing all these are wasting our time? or are we spending shorter and shorter time in doing all these?
do we feel like unwilling when doing 1/10 offering? we feel like after offer the money we will have not enough money to spend? or we feel offer to God is hard?

just:
make God the main part in our life. offer God whatever we have, willingly, without complaining. spending time on God, not left the remaining one to God. offer God not when we have more than enough to spend, but to offer in whatever situation we are in.

Thanks God ^^

dear pastor liza ....

2010-10-03T16:57:00.005+08:00

至亲爱的叶传道

两年了谢谢你的付出
真的会想你的以后

从第一天踏入怡保堂
第一印象是
我好像是教会的过客哦
没有教会的人的关心
就只有牧师于我们的交谈
几次的交谈
却换来没有结论的讨论
觉得教会心有余而力不足
没有人看到我们的需要
没人对我们有负担
有的我们自己慢慢的摸索

直到你出现
你努力的集合我们
看到我们的需要
你努力的给于我们最大的帮助
你知道
我们要的不多
只是归属感
归属于那间教会
但没人了解
你的计划
你的付出
你的努力
青专渐渐成型
步上轨道
有了第一次的探访工作
我们就好像一家人般相处
你更藉着青专诸日将我们介绍给教会的所有人
让更多的人看到我们的存在
青专学习营
让我们看清上帝在我们身上的计划
让我们有服饰的机会

传道
看到你我总会感叹
怎么你有用不完的精力啊
拜六礼拜都上来怡保
甚至驾车上来utp参与我们
谢谢你的精力
你的努力
让我对教会对青专有了归属感
不再觉得是过客或暂时的旅客
而是教会的一分子

你要走了
心里有很多的不舍
很想留住你
但想想
不可那么自私
要让你继续得到不停的环境
以你的生命影响不同的人的生命

传道
不知你会否看到这个
但不论怎样
祝福你接下来的道路
就像你鼓励我们的
要刚强壮胆
要长大
要有不一样的生命
上帝的保守，恩典将永远与你同在
我也会为你祷告（希望不会忘记=p)

青专会努力在上帝的带领下继续长大
会以生命影响更多的生命
好好地把青专这个大家庭建立并融合起来
会记得你对我们讲的最后一句话
要刚强壮胆=）

~绍倩上~

a bit update

2010-10-02T14:00:00.001+08:00

change my layout again. this time need to thanks chiangjinn 香瑾 aka jie jie
she search liao
thn send to me
thn i simply upload and press ok
hahaha
so easy

its a bit purple( in my eyes) though the name is pink. haha
but
i still like it. ^^
just a bit ke xi cant put my blog theme in
don't know why cannot
but it is cantik at this way dy
simple. n nice.

this week gonna and soon
october reached
means one month later will start my study week
now
i still in the dono-wat-lai-de situation
got a feeling that this sem gonna be a bad one oso

haiz.
not busy
but lazy
this is the consequences
really need to catch up

aja aja fighting

需要人陪

2010-09-28T17:05:00.000+08:00

easy to feel lonely

that's why i need internet

when the connection down like yesterday night

i feel so empty

don't know what to do

i know i got a lot of pending tasks

but i just simply

don't want to do it

as i am really empty

choose to go to sleep early

to end my loneliness

yet

hardly fall asleep

ends up tired in class

long nap in the day

and

another sleepless night later i guess

haiz

一個我需要夢想需要方向需要眼淚
更需要一個人來點亮天的黑
我已經無能為力無法抗拒無路可退
這無聲的夜現在的我需要人陪

Thanks God

2010-09-23T23:09:00.000+08:00

thanks God
i finished one of the toughest test in my uni life

thanks God
i went through the poorest test bravely

thanks God
i can still calm myself when looked at the super tough questions

thanks God
i relieved the moment i left the test room

thanks God
i controlled my emotions

thanks God
instead of complaining i am giving thanks

thanks God
i din't cry

thanks God
i feel regret

thanks God
lecturer extend the time

thanks God

i din left all blank

thanks God

i managed to think of something

thanks God

i managed to write all what i think

thanks God

my brain function till the last minute

thanks God

my hand willing to write till the last minute

thanks God

at least it is not zero

there are a lot of things to thanks God

tan siew ching

stop complaining

stop feeling sad

stop feeling hate

stop thinking negative

stop stop stop

starts to thanks God

in whatever condition

let everything to God

rely on Him

change your thinking

God is still wonderful

though i am still very sad now =(

mid-autumn, the one make me miss home

2010-09-21T22:02:00.002+08:00

2mrw is the mid-autumn festival.. its 2 hours ++ later actually..
hmm..
miss mummy and daddy, very much
miss boy boy, a bit. hehe..
one family. 4 people. in 4 different places
celebrating the same festivals, all by ourselves

mummy in bintulu. daddy at somewhere near miri
boy boy in kuching. and i in UTP.
all alone.
i know mummy don't like the feeling to be alone.
i know daddy feel pressure with all his works
i know boy boy is battling in his studies
and me, too

i don't know what mummy eat alone 2mrw
i don't know daddy still working ma 2mrw night
i don't know if boy boy going to eat something good 2mrw night
i know 2mrw night i will still battling with the alien language, trying my best to understand it

daddy.. i miss u the most. i miss your hugs and your caring. i miss the way u love me. everytime i go shopping, i miss your hand that hold my hand tight, accompany me to shop here and there, to choose this and that, to buy whatever i want.
daddy, remember to take care a. don't give yourself too much pressure. just do the jobs you can do. the rest let other people do la. don't drink too much coffee. don't smoke too much. =)

mummy.. i miss you too. miss you keep on asking me to eat, bath, study, dont watch too much movies.. and bla bla bla. i know you feel lonely every time u go home. don't be sad la. hehe. you can go around to cari your friends ma.
you going to play liao. overseas some more. enjoy yeah. buy something for me too. hehe

boy boy.. i know you don't like study, but u still try your best and pass your first semester. well done. continue to work hard. eat healthy food. don't every day mee maggie la. take care a. miss you also. haha

hmm.. siewching a siewching. don't lazy liao. pray more. listen to god more. thx god more. less complain. less emo. less angry. more patient. love god more. love people more.
hehe

every one.. happy mid autumn. i miss the moment when my family and i celebrate this festival. we eat nice food, mummy will buy ice-cream without request, play lantern.. walk around our house area.
i miss u all la.

柴米油盐酱醋茶

2010-09-17T20:27:00.000+08:00

小時候你想要什麽

我要一臺大大藍色的飛機

帶我環遊世界

到地球每一個角落

在藍天白雲中穿梭

而長大以後我想要什麽

我要一臺小小紅色答錄機

和你一起錄下

喂我們現在不在家

藍色變成紅色因為你

柴米油鹽醬醋茶

一點一滴都是幸福在發芽

月兒彎彎愛的傻

有了你什麽都不差

简单的生活
简单生活节奏
不求荣华富贵
不求名利与地位
简简单单
两个人过这属于两个人
的一个人生
是很幸福的

忙碌了一天
回家有这属于自己的幸福
不把一天的烦犹带回家
把一天储蓄的精神搬到家里
一起做饭扫地洗碗洗一晒衣
一起去教会一起侍奉一起祷告
不分你我
之只合作
快快乐乐
不埋怨所缺乏
不计较所不足
凡是感恩
凡是交托
凡是祈求
这样的生活真的很幸福

我的未来是怎样
这真的事要问问上帝
只希望当幸福走来
不要把它赶走了。。。

好喜欢拍出来的mv
描述了情侣到夫妻再到老夫老妻的简单生活
没有大房子大汽车
也没有山珍海味
但
快乐
因为简单
人生的尽头
彼此舍不得彼此
彼此相爱
坚强的陪对方走完人生的最后
=）
幸福就是这么简单

My Blog Is Carbon Neutral.. Urs?

2010-09-17T20:12:00.000+08:00

save the tree.
not a slogan
but an action
u realised the importance
u do it
not simply waste the papers
not simply waste the tissue papers
not simply cut the trees
not simply burn the trees
not simply use the wood-made stuffs
not to stay quiet when people do illegal cutting

the earth is ours
our responsibility to love it
save the environment
make it better and better
God gives us all the trees
who are you to simply mis-use it?

i love the trees
with green leaves on it
i love the fresh smells the trees give out
i love the greeny things to refresh my eyes after i stare too long in front of computer
i love the ways the trees being so generous
let the birds the ants and other creatures to be on them
i love the way the trees make a peaceful environment

more trees, more peace, more joy =)

short update

2010-09-11T01:27:00.000+08:00

these few days, since last Saturday i mean, i am quite enjoy. hehe.. cause it is mid sem break now.
outings+food+shopping+food+staying in room+food is super nice. nothing to worry, nothing to think of. just, enjoy the life.

these enjoy and relax moment cant last long. at least for me. it is time to get all the pending stuffs done. projects+presentations+assignments+studies need to be settled in one week time before the school reopen. hope i can discipline myself and do all the stuffs. God, help me yeah.

hmm.. took up a challenge not to fb today. though it is one day. haha. it needs courage to take up this challenge, as it is not easy to suddenly stop doing your daily routine. really hope that i wont ter-on my fb. hehe.. then someone can treat me something liao =p

40days without drama is really bad. i will feel lonely, especially when having meals in my room. now is ok la, since we go out for meals. but before, every meals time i will like.. want to open the movie folder. luckily i didn't.
thanks God. God, continue to lead me yeah. even after 40 days i wont movie too often, not good for eyesight also.

looking forward for the gathering and outings with the brothers and sisters that stay in UTP for this break, enjoy going out with them. so funny and exciting. =) bring me out often yeah for those going to go out. hehee

today i learn something from God. the only thing i remember is to Love the Lord and to Love the people. we love because god loves us. we know how to love because God shows the way to love, and we have to share it out. Love the people around us = love our neighbour. jesus asked us to love our neighbours. hehe..
may god bless you and me

GOD bless you and me

a little bit of thoughts

2010-09-02T11:35:00.000+08:00

in my lab now. finished all the works, and wondering why the lecturer do not want to continue teaching. many of us finished.
today suppose to be a happy day. as today i will finish all my tests. and i had finished. but, i feel sad now. i screwed the test badly. super bad. get all the things terbalik. should sleep earlier i think. so that my brain will be fresher and think more properly. hmm..
sad. really sad. cant do anything. its over. just let it be. though i feel giuilty and stress up with the terrrible answers i gave.
two weeks of holidays gonna start in few hours. tomorrow 9am, fnish my DCN, start my holidays. i am not looking forward for this holidays, cause i don't know what to do. though i got a lot of projects and assignments and revision to be done and completed, i still don't know how i should spend my holidays. as far as i observe, i will not do all the works in my holidays. hmm..
what to do and what to eat? haiz. i don't know. really not in a good mood when seeing people leaving and go on with their own holiday plans, with friends and families. but i got nothing. why is it like that? why no one ask me to go out de? hmm.. too bad!
don't care la. don' want to be the one that always asking. not going to feel sad even i am alone in room anymore. i know everyone will has their own holidays and lives and plans to go on. let me go through mine, myself, though will be lonely, GOD IS WITH ME!!

Hillsong

2010-08-29T18:38:00.001+08:00

Went for Hillsong Concert long long time ago. Thanks God it is held in Ipoh. I got a chance to go there and experience the environment. My roomate and I was so excited and we started to learn some of their songs so that we could sing together that night.(at last we only know one song...)

I like the way they carried out the praise and worship. Much more energetic and live-er than usual. It is a great way to praise God too. That night was nice, and i remembered two things and want to share here.

First is the handsome rev. hmm.. He is really really very very handsome, and i concentrate 100% on his preaching and sharing. How I wish the is my Rev. in my church. *sorry to the rev in xxx church*

I personally feel he is more leng zai =p

He is one of them =)

but no matter who the Rev is. the most important is to obey GOD. the rest is just Bonus.. heehee

Thanks God for giving me the opportunity to listen to the sermon by the above Revs. hehe..

God's plan is simple. We just need to obey. And, He will say : I know!! to all the things we encounter. There is nothing that God do not know!

the second incident is this old couple. hmm... i was so surprise when i saw them (cause normally young people went there ma). Then when I saw them pray and worship together, i was so .... hmm.. i told myself I also want to be like them when I old. haha... Too early to think of this? I don't know. I imagine their fruitful lives everyday. Pray together, serve together, go to church together, sing church songs together, tolerance with each other.. this is the life i wanted and look forward for. Easy + Fruitful = :)

heehee...

i curi curi take their pic when they busy worship God =p

pray hard that i can be like them one day.. some day =)

God Bless

飞~

2010-08-28T22:02:00.000+08:00

飞得远远的
是我的梦想。
不喜欢被绑在一个地方
不喜欢看一样的人事物
更不喜欢对着自己喜欢的人强颜欢笑

但
知道自己能力有限
到了新的环境又要重新适应
要自己独立
要自己跟自己讲话
要自己安慰自己
打不到电话回家
找不到人诉苦
我，可以吗？

能力有限
金钱更有限
不能像别人那样出国旅行
我不埋怨
因为家人都很疼我
这样就好了

告诉自己
不要靠家人出国
要的话就努力读书
赚钱省钱
带家人出国
共享天伦乐

我答应你们
一定会努力的
^^

god bless~

hello~

2010-08-28T10:50:00.002+08:00

yeah~
i just changed my blog template and bla bla bla... still lack of something. But i lazy to change anymore. Next time la har.. i will continue to renovate it from time to time. just, now very lazy to continue. want to make it brighter, but cant find the suitable colours. what to do, this is the only things that provided. havent learn HTML language yet. i think next semester when i learn it my blog will be more bewutiful... think only la. now not bad also. just read if you feel like want to. just ignore it if you dislike it. i don't mind. =P

hmm... thinking of what to cook for lunch, though i just finished my breakfast. i eat and sleep too much dy~ hmm... don't care la. hua hi diu ho~ ^^

God Bless

人与人相处需要缘分

2010-08-24T17:54:00.004+08:00

人与人相处需要缘分。

有些人即使只做了一点错事，也会被对方投诉；

有些人无论做了多少对不起对方的事，仍然可以获得原谅。

这就是缘分~

没有方程式计算人之间的友谊，只任由缘分主宰人与人的关系。

两个没有缘分的人相处在一起，就像白天和黑夜，即使知道彼此的存在，却永远也碰不到面；

没有缘分的人，即使天天在一起，即使天天都有话讲，却也只能像夏天及冬天般，不了解对方有多冷有多热；

没有缘分的人在一起，永远只有愿意感受的人感觉到心疼，犹如热气与冰块，一个施热，一个受热，受热的变成了不是自己的另一个自己；施热的就继续做自己。

在日常生活当中，你遇到了几个与你没有缘分的人？你又会如何对她/他？

我只能说，

我会静静的，偶尔说说话，偶尔问一问候，不去计较，不去理会，简简单单；

毕竟要强求，是不会有幸福的~ =）

但愿大家都可以遇到有缘分的人~~ ^^

bek cek

2010-08-15T00:27:00.002+08:00

tonight, i explode again. But is in my heart. yeah~ i will never show my angriness and bu shuang-ness. just quite2, in my heart, at here + fb i express it.

2mrw i depart at 8am. not me alone la. others as well. I am ok with anything, just, dont let me wait. waiting is the most suffer moment for me. cos, i dono wat to do. i dono wat to talk as well. oen and a half hour meant a lot to me. i can sleep, for at least one and a half hours.

m having insomnia recently, like tonight. then, how many hours i can sleep for tonight??? i dont know. i am not blaming the one who arrange this, not the one that cause this to happen as well. just that, i want people to know how precious the time is. one simple action has cause 4 person to loose their 1.5 hours. and, we will never get back the hours we missed FOREVER. never it comes back.

我讨厌等待，因为它让我知道自己有多么的孤单。别人在聊天，做事情，自己。。只能默默的坐姿在那里，看东看西看左看右。。无所事事

我厌倦等待，等待只能等，不能做，发闷，却不能发牢骚。

我害怕等待，它让我看得更清，彼此的友谊。能不能聊上那么久的话，我不知道。。。总觉得自己是多余的，太多余了，太没用了。

等待，不是滋味，闷啊~~~~~ 我想骂人向发脾气出来，但不可以。只能静静的，默默地一个人承受一切。

算了吧。ESC的精神要发挥下去。

角色

2010-08-14T19:37:00.005+08:00

在一群人当中当个ESC的角色也不错，至少不是完全被遗忘~

我就不要再埋怨了吧。至少我在他们眼中是有价值的。。。

压力

2010-08-11T23:59:00.004+08:00

今天，

压力又来了。

谢谢它常常来看我；

谢谢它成为我最忠诚的良伴，

风雨不改，

说来就来，说不来也来。

来了，此次都死缠烂打，

请都请不走。

压力来时，

总是常常吃，

好像吃是唯一的欢迎方法，

越吃越肥~

压力来时，

睡不着，更别说专心地做好工作了，

总觉得自己面对压力，除了吃就是束手无策，

任由他摆布。

看，就是现在这样了。

好累好累，却要笑笑面对人，

要鼓励别人，要安慰别人。

但安慰别人的过程中，

自己也成长不少，

自己也轻松很多。

正面的思想，总是比转牛角尖，拍会在灰色地带好得多~

大学=残酷

2010-08-10T00:08:00.004+08:00

[常常跟你聊天的不一定是好知己。不曾跟你谈心的不一定不了解你~
又没有人把你当成好朋友其实并不重要，重要的事你知道你心里还是有一个她可以发发牢骚，讲讲话，谈谈心。]

在大学里，要找一个可以真心真意的对你，你也诚心诚意对待的人很难。应该是大家都长大了吧，开始追求对自己最好的，开始觉得你要迁就我。hmm，真的，大家都是这样。大学最残酷的一点是，让你慢慢看清别人的内心深处，却渐渐地把自己的原来忘掉~

大学就是小社会，以后到了社会也要面对人心的臭陋，自加上自己也没有很好，所以就认了吧~呵呵，没关系阿，就像之前所讲的，他没把你知己真的没关系，也不是什么大不了，重要的是，你自己！跟他在一起很舒服，话题很多，可以放心谈心，这样就好了~不要去计较这么多，计较越多，顾虑越多，烦恼越多，就有更多的不开心。自己开心就好。

[ 想要自己开心的人并不自私。]

这是我某天的quote。哈哈。真的麻~难道你不要自己开心哦？不要把自己的快乐建立在别人的痛苦上就好了。快乐，开心，已经很难了，如果联想要开心还要顾虑一下别人是否也开心，我想这样的人生也太累了吧。所以我的quote的下半段是 [开心了之后，就把自己的快乐影响别人] 这伟大的任务，我自认做得很差，不是我不想，是我不会。人，总是不晓得如何将自己的快乐分享出去，更别说是区域别人一起享受快乐了。

最近的心情真得还好。没有之前的emo，更没之前的坏心情。就属于一般的心情，开心事就开心放松，偶尔来个一两件令自己不开心的事，不爽一下下，生气一下下，就让它过去吧。反正过了就过了，不要再转牛角尖，不要再耿耿于怀，更不要斤斤计较，高叔过自己要简简单单，轻轻松松就好了 =）

谢谢在我生命中出现的两个人，他们都很重要~ 其中一个，或许我们面对着一些相同的问题吧，所以可以彼此分享，互相听听对方的唠叨，过后给一点点地鼓励，对我来说真得很够~

还有一位呢，是教会的一位朋友。他，hmm。。几乎每天都在听我complain。嘿嘿，委屈您了~ 常常用上帝的话语鼓励我，教导我，安慰我，讲废话，讲吃。真得很开心有他，自己与上帝的关系可以越来越好~

谢谢啦两位。虽然不知自己在你们的心理的定位是什么，但重要的是，你们对我都很好，我对你们也不错啦~哈哈

after long time din blog

2010-08-08T01:53:00.005+08:00

cj say my blog karat liao.. so i should start to update my blog again. to activate it~

actually i came here many times dy, write something till half way then i give up. cos, its too negative.

hmm.. i should learn to appreciate thing de ma..

but haiz.. life memang like that de la.. too many distraction that make me feel bad, and start to bu shuang and complain..

hmm..

this sem i promise to God i have to talk to him any time and everywhere, and need to listen to Him everyday~ hehe... so far the progress quite good lo.. thx god yeah~ i love you~

this sem i also promise for 1/10 offering.. i start with money first la.. hehe.. cos last sem i really spent too much liao.. haiz.. then this sem at least what belong to god must offer to him.. so far.. not bad oso~ hehe

this sem i promise too to study hard.. hehe.. my requirement is low and not high ambitious.. just need improvement. hehe.. need to study more.. and earlier.. so far.. adui.. d progress is bad~ haha... open d book terus close it.. haiz.. how o?

i just told somebody, when grad its happy and glad if i can become a clerk wif a stable income. haha.. adui.. so ambitious-less.. but for me, i think is i see through this world, and thoroughly. you can take away nothing when you leave this world, what for u spending too much time on the things that is not able to follow you when you are in another world? why must we waste our precious time to fan fao this and that to gain the luxury and wealthy life? hmm..

i promise too to be more considerate and caring. hehe.. i dono how much i had done, at least i am more passionate. i tahan n tahan n tahan all the things and people i dislike. thinking that i am too having bad habit in their eyes. =) don ji jiao and zai yi.. hmm... just do whatever is correct, though ppl might forget you, might don care about you, might only cari you when they need you and even dislike you. whatever la.. ngo dui dak ju tin dei leong sam.

people are selfish. always think of their own good. yeah~ its human. don tell me you are not. i am too. you can simply choose the friends you want to. you can talk and be a sincere to the one that you like to. i don mind. just go ahead. but when you are in front of me, can you please pretend to be good to me, pretend to care about me? hmm.. cos this is what we call life and environment. so fussy and bad habit will make you lose your friends and yi chou wan nian.. haha...

i just want a simple life, as simple as ABC, but not a plain life. i want my life to be colourful and wonderful and fruitful in the guidance of God~ yeah~ i can do it. rely more to god, and love him wholeheartedly.

hehee...

d emo one

2010-07-25T23:01:00.002+08:00

whn it come to decision making.. i mmg cnt one.. i really dislike myself la.. nid to choose..

even go to cls u nid to decide which to choose n whr to go n what to take.. haiz.

even got so many things that nid me to decide.. y? y cant life only b one route.. i jz walk thru it nice nice? no nid to think so much.. no nid oso to kill my brain cells. study all that arranged.. like that cnt meh??? i don understand la..

i dono i dono i dono... even u ask me wat to eat oso i wil say sui bian.. cos i really dono la.. i dono thn dono la.. thn ends up don wan la.. wat to do.. i mmg like this de ma.. i don like the moment ppl asking me this n that n that this.. i cant answer u.. how? i am weak??? ya... i am.. yes.. i admit

i wan to knw what route god had arranged for me.. y arrange liao stil i nid to decide leh?? y???? mengapa??

something

2010-06-08T23:01:00.005+08:00

hmm.. yeah... i m here again

haha..

did not much things except eat n sleep n movies

do help mummy to wash dishes

not bad dy la..

biao jie n her childrenssss (really a lot) visit bintulu

pass by la actually

my house so re nao suddenly

d kidsssssss run here n thr

quarer here n thr

n d mama sound marah this n that

adui

beh tahan

luckily my mummy bring them out

beach la.. zoo la.. mall la..

everywhere they finished visit in 2 days

bintulu aint that interesting la ok~

n they went back dy lo

haahaa..

i welcome them la actually..

cos i enjoy talking with kid

but not kidssss

haha~

biao jie, can nxt time bring onli kid..

this time my little niece so cute

cuter than last time

as usual call me jie jie

not yi yi

sound so old

i prohibit all my niecesssss n nephewssss call me yi yi

wkaaka... who care?

d little niece talk a lot.. really a lot.. non stop

but sorry a

i cant un 80% of ur talking

can onli c n look at u n smile smile

paiseh la~

haha

i love u soo much~

watched a korea drama series

wan zheng de ai

so touching

almost cried in few scenes

so mei yong

once a gain feel that

life is so weak

weak till

u cant handle it

but

just let it be

think of my future

what kind of life i will be having?

fruitful

in the guidance of god

but afraid of d challenges

haiz...

start to feel like wana do something useful in this holidays

but what leh?

really not much i can do lo

learn something a?

need transport n $$

find friends a?

dont want la

thn

better continue my eat sleep movies lifestyle..

i wan to have a super duper fast line for me to watch pps

the broadband is toooo soooo slow

adui

haiz

don complain la

at least u can gtalk, facebook n blog

wakaka..

k la..

dono wat to write dy

since i did nothing

oh yeah~

d self reflection i havent do..

adui

forgot dy..

find one day n reflect myself tou tou~

1st day kat rumah

2010-06-06T22:19:00.003+08:00

finally i reached home lo.. since friday night till now.. hoho.. took me few days to reached bintulu.. bcos yesterday i go sibu and kanowit.. wakaka.. long time didnt experience the gawai celebration.. finally got chance to do so. and, the tuak is soooo alcoholic till can burn my throat dy. adui.. my brother really pro de lo.. can drik few cups... *jealous*

today afternoon reach home... terus got nice food to eat.. no longer the oily and cooled food.. not the luxury food too.. but the home-cooked food. wakaka.. maybe i just reached home gua.. i feel like i am a princess la.. food n fruits and drinks all are well served. i just need to eat and washed. (i volunteer to wash de a..) then i terus tidur + aircond... adui... sooo enjoy and so nice.. i enjoy my lifestyle now.. haha.. don want to go back utp dy~ huhuhu

2mrw,, anthr day.. with eat and sleep.. wakaka.. + tv la of course.. i think i will continue to eat sleep laptop movie until 20++ of july.. wakaka.. though i know i will become fat n my brain will be malfunction.. but i don care don care don care.. wakaka.. i enjoy enjoy enjoy...

**self relection:

~m i good enough to my friends and especially roomate.. since she need to face me so long time per day.. haha

~m i good enough to church bro n sis?

~god.. sorry... no need relflect terus i knw i dui bu qi u liao..

~parents.. hmm..

~studies.. all ok but not OOP...

~myslef.. i found myslef quite -ve.. especially when all the stresses come.. i will zi can... haiz.. cnt cnt cnt...

~nothing liao gua.. haha..

any name la.. haha

2010-04-28T23:45:00.002+08:00

i really feel that i need motivation.. to study... not to do other unimportant things.. hehe... but somehow cannot.. off liao laptop thn i slp.. on liao laptop thn i surfing here and there. adui...

hmm.. many things happen these days.. ppl become emo-er and emo-ier.. haha... all d projects2 stuffs due in short time... test 2 and test 3 bertaburan here and there.. somemore next week is the last week of lectures. all the tests, due due stuffs, presentation will be on next week.. i am super duper stressfull now, stress until i cannot sleep and study nicely.. all the stuffs just mixing and blending and mingling in my mind.. adui... cannot like this leh.. not concentrate enough... how to score high high oo~~ hmm... somemore not enuf slp.. bcome older and older laio a.. my skind... adui.. as bad as it could be.. sad laio a.. huuhuhu... not that i don wan to sleep, just i cant.. will sure think tooo much.. thn awake because of shock... haiz...

my little junior call me that night.. she is going to france in a month time.. she is lucky, can go to a place that i looonnngggg to.. but, worries still there... i know n understand her.. imagine, u alone in a foreign country, wiht different cultures and races people. with different language, away from your family, cannot call them everyday, cannot listen to their voices, go back home maybe only after few years... what you will feel... somemore she is ijust 18.. adui adui adui... amy a amy.. god will lead u de.. don worry.. u sure can de.. b a tough girl a... cry if u want to... but never think of giving out..

hmm.. there are many type of people in this world... good and bad.. and i never thought of a bad person in my life. i treat everyone as a good one, treat you nicely and patiently, even you ter-hurt me i will also diam diam.. and forgive you..
but not until i meet a person, which break my record. never meet such a person before. i even feel reluctant to look at your face, that full of egoism, full of envy and full of hate and complains. why should i pollute my eyes to look at you? i maybe a bad one in your eyes, yeah, i admit. i am bad to you. this is because of yourself also. you ar, know not much, pretend to know a lot. having a huru hara lifestyle, pretend to be neat. keep on saying you will forgive and forget, but din realise you are the one that need to seek for forgiveness. always think that people owe you. hey, wake up la you.... you are the one that causing what is happening now. and, all of us need to forgive you and treat you nicely and look at you face colour. why should we? because we love you (except me for thsi moment). you maybe feel that it is something normal for us to treat you like this. no~!! no~~ no!! please wake up from your bad attitude.. please.. please dont make us suffer again.. we had tried our best to love you, so do you need to repent and change...
really hope that you can do it.. and i will pray that i will love you as a _________... sorry to say, am still thinking a status for you~

感想

2010-04-25T16:26:00.002+08:00

好久没以华文上来了，忙？不晓得耶。

最近又回到了紧紧张张的生活。每天都是被吓醒的。带着满脑子的烦恼，功课，学业，不满，嫉妒。。睡觉，祷告，吃饭，冲凉。。。wa be tahan liao aaaaahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!

真得好累好累。有机会就努力远离这里，远离很烦很闷很讨人厌的事物，甚至人。逃避，是唯一我能也愿意做的事，面对，也就当事物很靠近狠紧急时才去理它，导致自己乱七八糟。失败失败。

我常想，我与这世界没缘份。我想要的都没有，妒忌！！！是我不平衡。太羡慕他们了。。。或许也是自己不够努力，不够。。。。。。。。算了。日子，得过且过，过得不要太开心，过得刚刚好就好。不要太计较，因为这世界没有完美~~

现在努力地把书读好，什么都不要了~什么都不强求，希望我能做到。郑绍倩啊~ 你要乖乖的。。未来的命运，你或许不能掌控，但要记得，努力抓紧每一个关卡，努力做好每个关卡的任务，就好了。

以后，若可以，我想到很远很远的地方，一个没人认识我的地方，一点一滴开始我全新的人生。不是说现在的地方及朋友不好，只是，我想要找一个真真正正明了我的人，一个愿意重最原始，最远点认识我的人。现在大家看表面，但却没人明白真实的绍倩~ 要表达出来，又怕被说不通情达理，太主观，太不明白别人。但，怎么都是我在了解大家，而大家不去了解我呢？透不过气，我只是要大家明白我。好想哭，但不行。我不要软弱。我要坚强！！

crap~ ignore la

2010-03-17T11:33:00.003+08:00

for my own information, i am in irc now~ hehe.. so proud to say that people come irc to study but me leh??? hmm.. fb, gmail.. n blog-ing.. so geng~ haha

recently had some talk with my girl friends.. hmm.. i think of something that i thought before, and, i share my opinions on such issues. i had to admit, i am very realistics. and, i am li zhi in such aspect.. hehe... am trying to change my thinking.. hmmm... is it something good??

lotss of stuffs bothering my mind recently.. dont know why. i just simply think of them.. shuang shuang think n recall for a long time, waste my time, irritate my fun in pps.. haiz.. i simply got too much jobs, and it turned to worries and, it simply make me crazy~

hmm.. i really afraid i will get crazy one day. even when its time to sleep, i feel so reluctant n so nervous and, i simply dont want to sleep. it symbolises the end of the day and, i had done nothing. i dont want~ help~~!! huhuhu... i am afraid of every single things that come out next. makes my nerve up and again... i am not good in coping all these. Uncertainties~ haiz..

testssss, assignmetnssss, projectsssss, finals are coming soon.. 2 events to go~ am i too busy? had a deep thought, no! is that i spent too much time in all useless things, but i cant stop myself from these~~ hmmmmmmmmm

god, humble me, teach me n guide me. these are what i need to do! i am week.. and i need HIM and him~

hmm... crapping..

2010-02-25T02:51:00.002+08:00

hmmmm..... i just wat to say~ many uncertainties.. i don wan it.. can a.. can everything fix nice nice as my timetable and run nice nice as it? but sure cnt de lo.. adui.. i want to wonder again.. siapa so keh po keh po create the word uncertainties a? shuang shuang make people happy, shuang shuang make people suffer.. haha.. but.. never mind la.. every time i stand and walk through the uncertainties, i will be glad n happy and and relieve and feel of proud of myself (adui.. so positive thinking nowadays.. wakaka.. i think is good lo..)

hmm again..as i am thinking.. why some are so matured-thinking and some are not? some are so considerable and some are not? some are so well organised and some are not? these differences differentiate a person from another.. then, how to learn all these? hmm.
suddenly feel stupid writing all these.. haha..

say say nia~~

2010-02-22T14:31:00.004+08:00

long time since i last came here.. hehe.. busy n lazy lor~~
erm.. after cny, eat n sleep n chit chat during it, so gain lotssss of weight.. haiz.. don care la.. i shuang thn ok liao lo.. haaahaaaa.. after cny, assignments, projects, works, events, TESTSSS are coming make me stress and busy~~ when i stress,, i fb-king, blogging and eat-ing.. haiz... i don like works and i am sure no body like it! hehe.. but since everyone don like it why must it exist leh? i will be hating the one who created // invented homework, assignments and tests lo.. haha.. i think that's why the inventors don't dare to show themselves out like any other inventors like Thomas Edison.. haha.. sure many people will blaming the person de lo.. haha..

this semester leh.. its already 4th week, 10 more week to go before final.. adui.. time flying damn fast de.. haha.. n.. m still lost somewhere..
cope up with DS liao, but OOP is going to die de lo.. dont even understand the 1st lecture, so many classes, methods, objects... N, I cant differentiate them... hope i can write something during the test next week...
other subjects like accounting, bis stat, finance and marketing are in the process of cope-ing.. i like those subjects, hehe.. but, need time and effort to study lo~~

this sem leh, finally we manage to participate in the serving in ipoh Methodist church. i say finally is because we had been stabilized in the church for 1.5 years++ liao, and every time we go to church is just like visitors, sit there, sing, listen to sermon, n go back. do nothing at church. this is not the kind of church i want lo.. and finally, hehe.. after the myf sunday service, more uncles and aunties get to know us, and more and more greetings we received when we go to church. N, most important is, we are able to service in the church. though it is not me, but at least, i can feel that we are belonging to the church dy~~ hahaaha..

this sat is going to be our church tuan bai.. looking forward as myf going to lead the p&w.. n march there will be a pangkor trip==learning camp... hohoho... i am in charged of the angel and morta with eileen, and i m looking forward to it.. alamak.. no heart to liao lo.. haha.. i enjoy the moment fellowship with brothers and sisters and the uncles aunties in the church.. they (we) are nice nice nice.. hahahahaa...

seems like i am very happy now, yeah, i am.. rejoice in lord ma.. but, when it reach the peak week, when all assigments and tests due, i will be emo emo emo again.. hehehe... but, in god, nothing is impossible....

k la.. till here la.. got test tonight.. haha... but i am still relaxing~~

halo da jia~~

2010-01-26T14:53:00.002+08:00

haha.. my 1st post for 2010.. hapy new year yeah da jia..

m in 1st yr 2nd sem dy.. haiz... older n older dy.. one more year going to intern, than 2 more years gonna graduate n looking for jobs dy.. thinking, m i competitive enuf to be hired?? haha.. so fan wif all these!!

this sem not really going to buzy up myself wif the many co-cus.. 2 o 3 enuf liao la.. wakaka.. don b so greedy.. since i take 7 subjs(+ gamelan) this sem.. n nid to involve myself in every single church activities.. i enjoy to serve god in church.. no stress no worries but happiness when serving.. hehe.. but when serve in utp.. erm.. haiz.. to many distraction, may be..

this sem jz start, and i feel a bit hard and heavy dy.. cant understand d java stuffs. stupid thing that make me crazy!! haizz.. n d lecturers all so jahat de lo.. wana go bk one week for cny hols pun i pa pa.. cos thy say will gif quizez la, assignments la, cut mark for every single mia.. damn la.. adui.. thinking of buying another tickets to fly back for school.. haha... nice nice student hor~?? nid to ask money from mummy.. haha

problems.... still keep on piling up.. stresses will continue to find me now and then.. keep on reminding myself to have greater faith on god, and be a better daughter to god~ remind me tooo...

and i found my dad n mum love me very much.. during hols, when we talking, the asked me whether got bf o not.. haha.. thn my dad n mum WARN me to find a sarawakian.. they wana to b close wif me.. haha.. so ke ai de parents.. hahaa... i miss my dad n mum lo.. i knw mumy is alone at home.. and feeling lonely, as dady me n boy boy not at home.. but we r lonely also ma.. away frm our home n beloved family.. hehe.. boy boy not gonna celebrate cny since he at NS at selangor.. pity him.. 1st time away frm home thn straight no cny for him.. adui.. miss him too...

some inbalance emotion in my brain, gonna to wipe them away, and treat everyone equally, no matter what had happen before.. yeah~~ love your neighbour as u love urself.. (from jesus)...

wana go bk to investigate my lecture slides liao.. haiz... don wan c thm liao la.. arrrggg~~!!!!

nothing.. jz complain

2009-12-08T19:15:00.003+08:00

hehe.. officially back in bintulu.. rotting at home.. so boring.. haiz.. but feel happy as well.. got a super driver here.. my bro~~ hohoho.. she so interest in driving.. so he fetch me everywhere lo.. wakaka...
really boring la.. llife without internet is really so xin ku.. haiz.. no pps.. no fb.. no blog.. no gtalk.. no msn..
keep complaining here.. cos dad n mum cant c.. wakaka... don care.. shuang shuang complain laio thn mai bye bye lo..
c ya..

boring de rubbish post..

2009-11-17T18:08:00.004+08:00

just finished one of my kille subject. though it din make me helpless, it make me confused. adui.. damn!! not sure of every single code i write.. die mai die lo.. nvr die before meh?(memang never la).. i don wan to die~~ huhuhu..

another 2 to go.. in one week time. haiz.. bu shuang my roomie and cj dy finish.. n i am d LAST.. till 5.30pm sommore.. huhuhu.. so bu shuang as all my frens can enjoy holiday earlier than me... pity me.. going for the war alone.. but nevermind la... i will enjoy ONCE my exam finish!! pps.. wakaka..

erm.. going back n 30th nov(mumy miss me lotssss dy). b4 dat will go gong chiao wif bro n sis in our church to spread the gospel there.. pray hard for us yeah~~ looking forward to go thr..as i can play n laugh n eat n enjoy wif the bro n sis.. wakaka...thy are all soooo super duper funny..
let me see how to analyse them..

erm.. oldest de is d most most caring de.. then come to d most most most most most pandai makan.. nxt is one that pandai cari makan, pandai muzik a lotsss... thn is the one that shuang shuang make u laugh wif his shaung shuang de talking.. then come to d funniest bro i had ever see.. cnt stop laughing once u wif him.. wakak.. terror in music oso.. nxt, is a sister that can play music as well.. wa.. everyone so geng in music de.. thn.. is a xiao za bo d roomie.. hahaha.. learn all d ki xiao thing from her roomate.. thn comes to my roomate.. that can onli find her during midnite.. she is so awake in midnight.. thn is our two little cute junior.. one is terror in piaono n one got a ver sweeet sound.. haha.. thn comes me lo.. wakaka.. dono gto left out who..

actually this post is a rubbish lo.. jz feel nothing to do in irc.. so write somethign here.. going to prepare myself for d war now~~ bb

no no no title

2009-11-07T23:24:00.003+08:00

just wana to ask myself stop thinking about it and continue to do what is mine!!

thanks for hiding from me as you afraid of my request?? hurt me?? hehe.. just..

don have such feeling!~~ there sure be another things for you~~

n.. i m missing somebody~

dono.....

2009-10-25T16:51:00.003+08:00

just finish a small small sharing with a senior of mine. i cant deny that, he is a good and caring guy, which make me totally honest infront of him. yeah.. i tell him the things that kept in my heard for 3 semesters.. which i try to keep it deep inside my heart. i dont want to think of it, dont even want to accept it. i just keep on lying, it is ok.

but, i know, it is always there, wondering me, and make me afraid of... yeah~~ i keep too much in my heart, as i can see so much and feel so much. i know what is happening easily, i know what others feel and what others want easily.. i am too sensitive, and... i kept all (both positive and negative) inside me.. i dont know who to tell, dont know who to share, except the father in the heaven.

today, i tell my brother, hehe.. although only one of my feeling, but it is the one bother me a lot, the major thing stop me from doing job. maybe i had not much faith in it, till i can easily be distracted, but i cannot stand it. i wonder, why others dont have such feeling but i have? wonder, why they dont feel like this? wonder, am i the cause of the problem, since i the one that feel such way. but, finally i know, many are also feel the same as me, just they are not as sensitive as me and they are as sabar as me. they just keep quiet and... let it all be like that.

i feel desperate. i cant imagine the semesters after the 2 brothers left. i may be suffering, i may be left, or i may be stand stronger in christ. who knows? hehe.. i dont know i can or not, but i know now i cant. u cannot say you want to have a talk with me. i am not the one that can express my feeling by talking, i am by words. maybe because of that, no one understand me, but i get used of it.

sometimes i wish, i can be a nomal one(sorry god)..... yeah.. i am crying, for the very first time this sem. why it must happen everytime before exams? god..........i feel lonely n tired liao.. i wan go home..

sometimes...

2009-09-27T01:35:00.002+08:00

sometimes,
i wonder,
why i start my post with sometimes.
am i so un-creative?
till i don't know what to write?

sometimes,
i wonder,
why i emo so much.
am i so useless,
till don't know how to handle my emotions?

sometimes,
i wonder,
why i am so lazy.
am i so indiscipline,
till i have to push everything to the end.

sometimes,
i wonder,
why am i on the earth.
i am so not worth,
and i am so uncapable and tired,
till i really want to give up.

everytimes,
when i am emo-ing,
i hide it,
in my heart,
because i don't know who to express to.

no one seems understand me,
and no one seems willing to know me.
everyone so busy with their daily stuffs,
till no time to observe the surrounding.

this is really a long journey~~....
and i had find my way to HOME.

life is nice to have u :)

2009-09-10T15:13:00.003+08:00

i like rainssss.
wind blows before its going to rain, even the sun rest earlier just to give way to the preparation of raining. i like it. nice weather, before and during and after the rain. it is no need for me to use umbrella.. (hehe)

it is raining. brother wind continue to blow, daddy sun and mummy moon sleep soundly behind the aunt clouds. the sky, seems so pretty with the grey-ish colour, with some decoration sponsored by uncle lightning. the lightning is just nice. it will not make me tan, neither pain my eyes nor hurt my skin. credits to uncle lightning. just somehow, that stupid ah pek storm scream like crazy man. it scared me all the time, and, i really hate it. it spoils all the peace and the whole picture. fortunately it miss the screaming time sometimes. haha...

the water//rain droplets drop one by one, in a nice manner, to the ground. they must be enjoy the journey. it is like roller coaster, that never know how to move upwards. all the droplets pour down, smoothly to the ground, and unite at the ground. wonder if they communicate within each other before they reach their destiny, wonder if they miss their friends when they were separated, wonder, if they feel nervous when they are moving in high speed, wonder, they feel pain when they hit on the ground, wonder, if they cry as human when... they are force to say bye bye.

yeah~~i love rain. just simply love it. i seldom fall asleep when it is raining. i dint want to miss any raining moment. i enjoy myself looking at the sky, exploring where the sun and moon should shelter themselves of, imagining what the droplets do when the are moving down. am i ki siao? waste my time imagining useless things? i don care! haha! as long as i like it.

after rain, all the droplets, become water, continue their second phase of journey in somewhere, and little fresh air appear to cool the earth up. it is as if, a new moment for me. everything before, either sad or bad or dirty or angry or disgusting... had all wipe by the rain, and the air come, to refresh my mind and my thinking, and... tell myself gently.. it is a brand new life...

lazy!

2009-09-09T15:21:00.002+08:00

this week is a crazy week. study 3 subjects, for 3 tests in 3 days time. between, need to settle two assignments and start the engine for one more project!! haha. study last minute. see.. tomorrow SP test but still online and facebook and chat and blogging.

Ish! going to screw my test again as MOB. yeah~~ sometimes, i hate myself, for being so lazy and de-motivated to study. i can put all effort in sleeping, eating, bathing, shopping, surfing net (-.-'''), but not study. arent that is my main job? i afriad to fail this semester. really died in most of the subjects, morover, no study wek for me.. huhuhu.... how leh? tests, assignments and projects ++ new topics are pouring in endless-ly. haih!!! what a bad time am going to have for the next 2 months. i just hope i can find my semangat back~~ i really want it!! i want to du shu.. tek ju.. tak cek.. duk xu.. bljr.. study..!! hope i can concentrate!!

p/s: hehe~~ good news within my gang! haha!! but need to be secretive wor~~ then no need to say here lo.. just hope can know what is she* doing, dont melt so often(hehee) and... enjoy it la.. hahaha... hoohoho...

my 3 sems... write shuang shuang..

2009-09-05T11:09:00.001+08:00

m goin to write sthg long (hopefully) and boring (pls don).. if u feel like don wan read, thn can pls wait for my next post... hehe...

still remember the time i am in foundation 1, when i first come here... i can still feel d spirit of.. doing everything the best i can... i can say is, i fit myself in this new society well...
yah~~ i had travelled a lot before.. not really a problem for me to live independently.. neither a problem for me to suit d lifestyle of the so called--semenanjung people..

besides, i can stil remember i am so eager to do god's works together wif my friends, i am so eager to be the pioneer of the chinese christian gathering here.. i planned everything wif my high school best friend... we had do lots work before, together..in Christ family.. i thought we can continue here, so first sem, i really long to it, really put effort on it, in the beginning...

it is still, all my fault i think, being so emotional for the whole semester. yeah~ emo. when it is not the fellowship i want, i start to feel away from it, but not with god a. hehe... when i found that the friendship arent as before, i feel emo n.. slowly, it fade away.. hehe.. then, i still force myself to join the fellowship.i think it is a responsibility for me to go, cos i had to go. i had no choice. what i can say is, my first sem is extremely sad n emo n bad n... so far away from the own me.. things go worse n worst as no one could understand me. they never think my problems are serious. when i share to them(one o two), they simply think my problems are peanuts, but they dont know i am suffering. then, it makes me feel so away from the fellowship, which i used to anxious for. even one time, i hate it. hate it a lot. i simply feel like i am not part of them, and my thought was denied by them, which i truly feel i can share my problem to. sometimes, i just want some encouragement, some an wei, some agreement from there, but not REJECT and DENY.

yeah~~ i am forcing myself too much in the very first sem, till i go bek cek(spell like this a).. really bek cek and i promised not to make myself suffering. i dont want to force myself to do something i dont want to.. so, whenever i feel like dont like something, i wont do it. at the beginning of the sem, i still anxious to get into the fellowship, because i think it is a new sem, everything will be new, and i promised to give full commitment, if it become better(bad, i know!) but, again, the sense of belongings no longer there, feel like it is not my family anymore. i seems to be (i think it is all whati feel) a stranger when i am in d fellowship or gathering. it is my own feeling, i dont know why i feel like that, even when it is the time to meet them, i feel so nervous and wanted to be away asap. so, i leave the fellowship, just because i want to be happy, not like the previous sem. the life after i left, is much more relaxing and honestly, i enjoy the meeting in events and clubs and societies. even there are various races and need to speak malay and need to waste time to wait and need to waste energy to walk lots and need to sacrifice time to do tasks, i feel happy, very very happy. i like all those, a lot a lot. no burden(except when too many jobs), no more nervousness and no more forcing. hehe... nice nice. i like the lifestyle.. any how(got such words ma?) i still be with god, even i din join the fellowship, i go to church and i rely on god, close to him and... hehe... love him as he love me. i know how it feel when you are no longer having fellowship with god, the life is so miserable and so lauzy and easily feel bored of living in this world. (so dont stay away from god yea~~)

second sem in utp, i am much more happier, though sometimes i emo.. hehe.. but, really, RELIEVE. when i back to my hometown, something touched me.(not going to share here) finally i know, ya, i am happy, i rejoice in lord, what about others? you can say you still be with god, you still love him, but what about others? you can change it to what you want, with the strength from god. i know clearly, my life in second sem not what god want. he want his children to unite, to share the happiness together, to work together, in 1 family. he want his children to love each other, to accept each ohter and to pray for each other, and he want all of them to FELLOWSHIP TOGETHER-GETHER. hehe... ya... i was like, huang ran da wu. i am wrong, i am not good daughter... huhuhu.. sorry DADDY in heaven...

here comethe third sem. the previous two sem were like trial an error for life in utp. like can never be repeated, neither be start all over, but you can change from the current. again, i pray to god, i want to continue in his family, joining the fellowship, and do as much as i can to give the junior and junior-junior sense of belongings. i don want what happen to me happen to them. need to ,earn from history ma.. and, luckily the two nice nice brother back again, and plus one brother. they all know how to ambil hati the junior very well, in god way. i dont know how to describe the way they approach the junior or even me..they are so good in it. god's grace and blessing. they approach them not too earthly way. (i create this word.. haha). it means they are not going into their lifestyle, and change the junior, but they pull the junior out of their initial lifestyle and try to change them. although it is usually during fellowship time, i still think it is the best way to approach people. you go into their lifestyle == you agree fo what they are doing now. this is just what i think la.. you may not agree.. hehe...

so far till now, i feel happy in the fellowship. i feel like enjoy it.. thanks god for His blessing.. and so far i know how to make friend and be friend.. hehe.. i hope it will continue.. enjoy and rejoice together with brother and sister in christ~~ ^^

:) god bless...

sharing...

2009-08-21T14:18:00.002+08:00

nothing much to say.. just feel like wana come here and write something stupid here..
yeah~~ what a stupid opening.. hehe...

i just want to remind myself.. continue to do what God want you to do, continue to do the things for God, do according to His plan, not you plan and ask God to say yes~~ Shine for Him, rejoice in Him and blessed by Him~~

by the way.. stay stronger yeah, me!! dont fall down easily... no one understand you doesnt means God dont know. no one with you doesnt mean God left you... continue.. stay srong.. nothing is impossible in God!!!

emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo

2009-08-14T13:33:00.006+08:00

ya...
am emo-ing now...
seriously bad tempered just and now!
hurt someone?
make someone angry?
yeah..
i am sure...
all in accident...
damn tired,
not with study but.. choir!!!
i hate it...
seriously HATE it a lot..

have to wait..
n...
i HATE waiting 10000000%...
when say it is the time,
then is the time la..
dont make me come and wait and wait for..
such a stupid de super duper long time...
do you all know time is gold and precious?
may be not yours but am sure MY time is my golden property!!!

then,
when on stage, talk like stupid de super duper rubbish things,
din show respect,
sing like **************************...
really really REALLY REALLY HATE IT !!!!!!!!!!
can just dont play play and say say and relax relax sooo much?
you all make me so emo these few days...!!!

not that..
chase by my lecturer and someone...
both i feels important...
haih...
such a bad luck...

but..
i need to smile,
make it as if nothing happen,
hide all my feeling in,
make myself suffer and you all continue to make me suffer...
smile and laugh n say:ok... :).. nvmd...
what la!!!
cannot show my feeling towards you pula...

nearly burst out just,
luckily someone help me controlled it...
huh!!
breathe in and out!!!
do it continuously..
but..
bear in mind!!!
i am still emo-ing!!
please don't make me angry,
otherwise,
you will know how a naturally bad tempered girl burst and emo and angry.
by that time,
don't blame me when i shout at you,
don't be frightened!!

i had warned you NOW!!

over~

2009-08-03T19:06:00.005+08:00

it is over,
theoretically for monthssss,
practically for days.
stubborn and silly, keep it so long,
relieve and finally, accept.

you are no longer mine,
i am no longer yours,
in the middle of the earth,
we will never met,
in the middle of the brain,
memories,
gone bit by bit.

yet,
pain,
still there,
unwilling to fade away.

wonder,
am i keeping it for too long,
till i forgot the way to live without?
am i used to the live with you treasured in,
but you are so far away?

anyway,

nothing,

bye~~

GOD... is here 4 me n u..

2009-07-31T00:58:00.003+08:00

God grace really shows on me everyday, especially these few days...

when i feel am not able to, someone email n stil put trust on me..

when am sad, there is someone there for me, saying 'i know n understand'

when i feel hectic, someone call and say: how are you? busy? need help?

when fren feel down, i try my best to help, n really work.. satisfy..

thank you lord father 4 everythig u had done on me, all the things that heppen around me, is the assignments from you to test my faith in you. all that, either is pain or sweet for me, i am willing to accept them.. without you, i wont feel so calm in this messy n unpeaceful world. i am sure ur blessing is is still wif us, ur grace never stop... i believe, u had ur greatest will on everything happened, n i believe in u.. u never turn down ur promise.. nvr..

having u, is better than having anyone else.. u r d one cheer me up, u r d onli one never neglect me.. u r d one stil love me, when i lao gai wif u.. hoho..love u forever...

ug...

2009-07-20T02:06:00.002+08:00

d actual time now is.. huh.. 0206.. in d morning.. wat m i doing? BLOG-ING...
ish ish ish.. got class some more in d morning..

actually 2day is my first of study day after 7 weeks holidays.. n, is d first day i m in ungergraduate, after 1 year in foundation.. i m d da xue sheng dy.. wakakaa...

3.5 years later i will b graduating.. huhu.. nice? i dono.. but.. i will be full of challenge... m sure.. nid courageous n determination to settle n walkt through all obstaclesssssss. i wish n hope i can do it..

honestly, m afraid of ug life.. away frm usual frens, try to mix in other ppl strong bonding, is sure to b hard.. if i don wan, thn i will b alone... so pity... y i m taking bis n not ict? y all my close close frens in ict? y all terbalik de?

frm now on, i hv to walk to class alone, eat kunch alone, go irc alone, go lab alone... all ALONE, jalan kaki some more.. so sad to think of tat..can i do every thing alone? can i b braven independent? plsssss.. i must b.. have to b.. INDEPENDENT... do it...

YEAH~~~~ U SURE CAN... WORK HARD!!!

......

2009-07-12T10:51:00.006+08:00

sometimes,
most of the time,
what is it,
i really dont know.

unpredictable,
mystery...
never will it say:
'here i come',
neither informed:
'it is untrue'...

all is,
discovered,
and understand,
and experienced,
IT...
by your own...
when hurt,
no one undestand,
will never feel,
by anyone else...
just,
you, .... , in it...
no extra,
selfish?
i agree,
yet,
will not deny.

let it be,
what it will be,
let experience,
what it let you,
just stay and...
PATIENCE

tag....

2009-06-30T13:20:00.002+08:00

-----個人題 - 10 題-----

01.你叫什么：siewching
02 你的綽號：chiangjinn say is 'lady'....
03 你的血型：o Positive
04 你的星座：经典的金牛座女生
05 你是男還是女：女
06 你幾歲： jz reach 19... still young...
07 你住哪裡： bintulu
08 你現在的學校 : Universiti Teknologi Petronas
09 你有沒有手機 : 有
10 承上，那是多少：1

-----朋友題 -----

11 你最要好的朋友（限１個）: erm.... GOD....
12 你最討厭的人（限１個）：haih.. i will not hate ppl de... don worry... i m gud.. huhu :)
13 你最正的女性朋友（限１個）： erm.. 背着良心.. everyone... wakaka...
14 你最帥的男性朋友（限１個）：erm... erm...
15 什麼樣的女生你最討厭： ss
16 什麼樣的男生你最討厭：d one my feeling say not gud de lo..
17 你的好朋友有誰（不限）：anyone
18 你經常和哪位朋友出去：church's friends &&& eetying &&& utp's friends
19 你身邊最憨的朋友（限１個，不能自己）: honestly, i dono wat d word mean..
20 你身邊最可愛的朋友（限１個）: chiang jinnnnnn

-----情題 - １５題----- 我最喜欢
21 你有沒有喜歡的人：no... this second la... hahha
23 如果没有，你希望什麼時候有另一半:　when it is d time..
24 到目前為止，你跟多少人告白過：don think will do it..
25 到目前為止，你被多少人告白過：erm... erm...
26 到目前為止，你交過多少個男／女朋友：erm.. erm..
27 你現在有另一半嗎: no
28 你最好的同性朋友跟你告白你會怎樣：'stupid la u..'
29 你初戀情人突然跟你告白你會接受嗎：no gua... long time ago de story.. we need to up to date... looking forward....
30 你為什麼會喜歡你現在喜歡的人：aiyo... will shy shy de ma... haha.. no!!!!
31 你和另一半牽手過嗎：hehe...
32 你的另一半抱或親過嗎：=.="
33 你跟異性牽手過嗎： got a... so many pun a...
34 是誰，你們什麼關係：daddy lo, boy lo, n someone whn play games lo...
35 現在有人在追你嗎: i tell u hor~~ no nid to case after me.. i m gud.. will stand thr n wai t for u... i
------混合題 - １０題------
36 如果有天，好朋友離你而去，你會怎樣：sad
37 如果有天，好朋友背叛你，你會：sad
38 如果有天，好朋友對你喜新厭舊了，你會：nvmd
39 如果你很受不了你的父母，你會離家出走嗎： no no no
40 你上課認真嗎 : hhaa... i oways try to, but nvr succeed..
41 你功課好不好：gud whn i rajin, bad whn i malas
42 你开电腦都在幹麻：shuang!!
43 你的即时通有多少个同性: balance gua.. nid to count meh?
44 你的即時通裡有多少個異性：ask chiang jinn to count for me... wakaka

------兇手題 - 1 0 題------
45 傳給你這份問卷的人是誰：chiang jinn
46 这個人對你好不好： fren in utp.. nice nice
47 這個人是你的誰：my.... my... fren.. tat teach me how to b crazy
48 你有喜歡過這個人嗎：li si gua eh xin gua bak.... huhu
49 你們認識多久了：1 yera dy~~~ yeah.. nid to celebrate anivesary ma?
50 這個人是怎樣的人：ki xiao lang... huhuh... xiao za bo... (she teach me de hokkien)
51 這個人正／帥嗎：她走可爱路线...
52这個人跟你有沒有在一起过：we everyday togthr.. to qin mi dy...
53 萬一你喜歡這個人，你會怎麼办：i love u...
------聯想題 - １０題------
56 說到正妹你會想到誰：fish leong
57 說到帥哥你會想到誰：leehom wang..
58 說到憨你會想到誰：ape itu?
59 說到痴你會想到誰：白痴？y fren all clever, no bai chi here..
60 說到暗戀你會想到誰：leehommmm
61 說到出去玩你會想到誰：someone got car lo.. s
62 說到聰明鬼你會想到誰：erm.. erm... haih...
63 說到傻子你會想到誰: me la....
64 說到笑點低你會想到誰：CHIANG JINN
65 說到愛笑你會想到誰 : CHIANG JINN

-----學校題 - 1 1 題------

66 你的班導是誰: 大学里没有所谓的班导吧？！~
67 你的座位是第幾排第幾個：front thr... huhu...
68 你最喜歡的老師是: erm.. dono oo...
70 你的英文好嗎：ok ok, so so...
71 你的體育好嗎：haih... my fren will knw...
72 你的数学好么： i hate mathssssssssssssssssssss
73 你喜不喜歡你的校長：not bad la..
74 你的學校好看嗎： nice design... welcome u to visit UTP
75 你的班級是：July 2008 Batch
76 你的班級在幾樓：anywhr in utp... haha... thy encourage us to exercise, so classroom is everywhr... nid to jln kaki lotssssss

finish dy ho~~ haha.... bb la...

黑。漆

2009-05-16T18:30:00.002+08:00

。。黑与漆。。

爱。。
因为它的简单，
没有调色，
没有复杂，
只有单一；
爱。。
因为它安静，
少了闹，
少了乱，
少了音，
只有阴；
爱。。
因为它了解，
只看想看的，
遮掩所逃避的，
闪躲所隐藏的，
让身得以安歇；
恨。。
因为太单调，
没有五彩，
没有五花，
一片一律无息；
恨。。
因为它寂寞，
少了闹得黑--空，
少了乱的漆--虚，
少了音，声会孤单吗？
多了阴，阳，在何处？
恨。。
因为它放纵，
遮隆一切，
看不清实，
隐瞒真情。
心，
待得住吗？？

aish++

2009-05-13T22:42:00.002+08:00

huhu!! badly injured in test just now!! remember my last post?? nid to bring bandages to econs exam?? i think now i nid oso bring them to the ipsp exam... so badly injured tat m almost mati in battling.. i don wan fail!!!http://teckseongc.blogspot.com/2009/05/133365.html
u can aways go to this blog if u nid encouragement stories.. really thanks tat *guy*(bit impolite call u like this, call u MR??) for the stories n replies.. what i can say is, he really sincere and enjoy doing all that (who willing to post one encouragement story each day and reply to each comment??) wat a gud person he is. though i dono him, his replies and stories really encouraged me lots...
this world is full of discouragement n demotivational issues. every words we hear each day are mostly something negative, even the lecturers, who r supposely motivate the students turn up to make the students down. believe me... simple word of encouragement or praising will make each n everyone happy n joy for a whole day!!

some sharing

2009-05-12T18:00:00.000+08:00

huh!! it had been ages since my last posts. let me tell u wat had i did.....
for ages, i m eating like pig, sleeping like pig, resting like pig, lazy like pig, annoying like pig... wah! the most famous phrase among my crazy friends is getting 'zhu liu gan'. i think my virus either affected from my roomate or huiping roomate. reason? easy! they start all these earlier than me! i used to be hardworking! hahaaaa!!! don too near from me.. later u get 'zhu liu gan' pula.
haih! just reach at junction 19 recently, on mothers' day! of cos got some celebration.. with my dear dear friends in utp! but, dint get what i m waiting for! wat m expecting from some1 din come true. huhu!!*sad* forgot liao o??? aish. nevermind la.. still got 4 xiao zha b0 celebrate with me. haha!!!!
12 more days before going to war, but havent start preparing n polishing my weapons. plan to do it after that stupid ipsp things. i prepared to bring medicine and bandage instead of weapons when battle-ing with economics... no hope for me to win, just hoping tat can survive n don injured much.. don wan repeat foundation n c tat lecturer again!! huhu!!!!!! can i win a??? just die in test 1&2... haihhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ipsp.... if my brain working well, still got chance to survive lol...
ibis-- huh!!! everytime blur blur go for exam, but can get better result than above 2 subj..
maths.. haha... laugh not bcos gud but dono how to explain...
english>??? blur, as seldom go class...
can get 3.0 a???
/* in silent, i had reach 19. it means, getting closer to heaven... let appreciate everything*/

我路，我的选择！

2009-04-14T00:18:00.003+08:00

选择，

我怕！

讨厌，

决定！

害怕，

选错！

担心，

后悔！

不想，

改变！

我就是这样，总觉得选择很痛苦。是自己放不下，拿不起，改不了，还是根本没能力？

很多事情我清楚，知道，明了，晓得。适应，在进行着。真的，很难。放弃，好想好想，可以吗？

没人认知，没人了解，你们不懂我！　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　挣扎，死穴，你不懂！你只懂我做错，责怪，投诉，讽刺，是你们给我的待遇。

难以呼吸，世间把我浸得无处吸口气。闷闷的，累累的，是我自找的吗？不是！我不后悔！不尝试怎么晓得呢？拜托，不要判我死刑，虽然我是有资格，多一点的谅解，你们给不到吗？

坦白说，真的很有压力，更诚实一点，我在逃避着你们！不是故意，是不小心，不小心害怕你们。　　　　　　　　　不小心，是借口，我的错，是真理！

我会，努力恢复正常。过程，久吗？时间，长吗？我不知道！你们，会怎样说我呢？我不介意！竟然作了决定，我不改了！

决定以自己的速度，走着上帝给我的路，不要追赶，不怕跟不上你们，不怕路途孤单，更不怕你们讽刺我！我会慢慢享受上帝给我的人生，即使你们不了解，不赞同．．．我的人生，由上帝安排，不要看你得脸色！！！

tag tag tag

2009-04-13T23:43:00.003+08:00

1. Real name: siewching tan

2. Nickname: help u in math.. (tangent, sine, cos)

3. Zodiac Sign: taurus

4. Male or female: female

5. Elementary: SjK siong boon

Middle School: SMK bandar bintulu

7. High school: SMK bandar bintulu

8.College School: Universiti Teknologi Petronas

9. Hair colour: Black (not bad wa~~)

10. Long or short: erm..not too long but not too short..

11. Loud or quiet: keypoh and crazy with my close close friends, a bit bising with my friends, quite with not close friends...

12. Sweats or Jeans: jeans la.. u want borrow 1?? got many.. hehe

13. Phone or camera: camera (can take nice nice pictures..)

14. Health freak: no la... nice food will not always healthy.. just finish all my chocolates.. huhu :'( wan somemore...

15. Drink or smoke: Say NO to smoke but say YES alcoholic drinks... hehe

16. Do you have a crush on someone?? got.. gua...

17. Eat or drink: chocolates!!!!!!!! i wan it.. wana sponsore me??

18. Piercings: no!! hehe.. pa pa!!

19. Tattoos: no la.. m so guai.. good girl...

~FIRSTS.....

23. First piercing: i will tell you when i pierce a...

24. First best friend: daddy, mummy

25.First award: proud to say, in kindergarden.. 3rd place in exam..

26. First crush: once upaon a time...

27. First pet: no way!!

First big vacation: the earth, on the 10.05.90

29. First big birthday: 11.04.03~when receive jesus christ as my personal saviour

Currently:

49. eating: love to eat...haha~

50. drinking: plain water only... sad!

52. I am about to: o0.... 2 tags in one night! tiring~

listening to: the songs that acceptable by my ears

54. Plans for today: sleep n work n eat!!

55. waiting for: you!!!

Your Future:

58. Want kids? not sure! tell u later yea~

59. Want to get married? not now la... wait! patience~~

60. Careers in mind: want be___, but... nevermind la..

Which Is Better in the boy/girl you like??

68. Lips or eyes: eyes.. window of soul..(copy from chiangjinn)

70. Shorter or taller: taller than me la..

72. Romantic or spontaneous: romance

73. Nice stomach or nice arms: nice arms..^.^(can sleep war~~)

74. Sensitive or loud: not too sensitive, not too loud. we need to be shi wen.

75.Hook-up or relationship: relationship

76. Trouble maker or hesitant: don wan don wan

have you ever:

80. lost glasses/contacts: good eyesight. no nid both.. hahahahaaaa

81. Ran away from home: in my dream

82. Held a gun/knife for self defense: i am soooo shi wen.. never hold both de la..

83. Killed somebody: wa!! i din willing to kill mosquitoes pun a!! but i kill ANTS! hate them so much!!

84. Broken some one's heart: got gua~~

85. Been arrested: arrested for ape leh???

87. Cried when someone died: still dont have the experience. don wan experience it so soon...

Do you believe in:

89. Yourself: seldom.. dono why.. damn weak de!!

90. Miracles: Yes !! by god, nii

91. Love at first sight: not for me

92. Heaven: yes, with a lot of angels, and also lord father...

93. Santa Claus: m not the childish type..

94. Tooth Fairy: ape itu itu ape??

95. Kiss on the first date: theoritically no! practically--- hehe..

Answer truthfully:

97. Is there one person you want to be with right now? not sure.. mummy say study hard.. i am obedient de..

98. Are you seriously happy with where you are in life? thanks god for the everything!!

99. Do you believe in God: Yes~

100. Post as 100 truths and tag 10 people: I’m not going to tag anyone la..so ma fan!!!

the tag by molly...

2009-04-13T23:07:00.004+08:00

1. What is your name: siewching
2. A four Letter Word: soul
3. A boy's Name: stephen (find him in the bible)
4. A girl's Name: sarah (siapa siape aje la...)
5. An occupation: sultan (wakakakaka)
6. A color: silver
7. Something you'll wear: spec (but i din wear wor)

8. Food: satay (nice nice)

9.the bathroom: shokubutsu
10.A name of a place : secret receipe, starbuck.. (thanks chiangjinn for the high class places)
11.A reason for being late: sleeping (sooo true)
12. Something you'd shout: stupid!!!! (i will shout to myself only)
13. A movie title: superman, spiderman (ape ler.. i never watch them... haha.. so childish)
14. Something you drink: strawberry shake (hehehe)
15. A musical group : second hand serenade
16. An animal: swan
17. A street name: ss2 street
18. A type of car: saga... belilah barangan buatan malaysia
19. The title of a song: sexy black--justin...

really had a hard time searching for the word... huhuhuhu :'( poor english

dono la...nothing and something

2009-04-07T09:56:00.003+08:00

it had been a long time since i came here. too vusy with my work recently. just finish my chinese ochestra performances. relief! none of satisfaction in it. every utpocm will know why... really, feel desperate of it. feel like discriminated. anyway, the students are really nice..
then, everything back into normal, with no practices from day to midnight, no skipping of classes... and.. no dream to dreamt of... it is too normal till, i dono how to handle it. many times, i stare to the computer, with blank brain. i dono wat to do, and reluctant to do...; missing the time lots, though it is pressure, hectic, tired, but, at least, enjoyable. now!!! dono la... don even know wat m i mumbling.. jz assume u all are reading something stupid and crazy here... ish!!!!
can i find i place to shout???????????? ish!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
keep thinking of.... keep dreaming of..... that is why i m always occupy myself with bundles of jobs.. don think i am too key poh.. take so much things up. i had my reasons..... i wan to go away now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! digging a place for me... who wana help???

it is my simplest and truth-est feeling

2009-03-14T18:21:00.004+08:00

happens lots recently, in the mood of stressed, busy for many things, yet dono what to do.
i really lost, in the midst of the jungle,cant find the way out, on my own, hoping for someone t o lead me.
exams round the corner, tues and thurs . *stressfull* should be study and revise now, but i cant. why? dont ask me. i am really lazy this semester, no mood to study, enjoy a lot, and most important, i lost my way, deep and far inside. i try, tell myself, firmly and clearly i need to get my way back, by hook or by crook, need to do all these, but, i failed.
i keep lot in my heart, my feeling thoughts, maybe that is why, i miss my home, bintulu. i am sure is neither because of anyone nor anything there, except the free and relax, is only place for me to hide, and relief. seems, still long way to go home.
cant find anyone to talk, because i dono how to tell them the messy feelings i have. i had been sensitive recently, but try not to show them out, as that is not the way.
you all are important to me. if not you all support, i really die here, will really give up. maybe just a word, an action or anything, i will feel couraged and influenced by you all, indirectly. yet, i will also get discouraged and hurt, by a minor behaviour of you all. i am sorry for that, just somehow i crazy and feel emotion these few days, hope everything will be alright soon.
dear everyone, thank you for coming for debate just now. 5 of you o.. who leh??? why is five people but not four?? you all will know soon. hahahahhahahaa!!!!!!!
and to my teamatates, sorry and thankyou for everything.
to me myself, let god decide and arrange and prepare all those for you!! god know what, which and who is suitable for your journey of life.
even god say:' come to me now'
i am willing to, too tired of life...

<>

2009-03-12T01:31:00.000+08:00

看着，
心里想着，
期盼，
想象，
是我。
肯定，
那不是。
希望，
落空，
心里，
虚。

原来，
在乎的，
始终是你，
拍掌的，
是只手。

原以为，
已停止，
不在乎，
始终，
停不了，
煞车，
没学会。

只好，
继续不在乎，
伪装......

huh!!

2009-03-02T01:35:00.002+08:00

it is the friday,

suppose to be beautiful.

a question and a respond,

ruin it off.

what you took? count it all out.

in a, cold and impolite voice,

dint even look at me, when you talk to me.

.......,

i answered,

as you requested.

too much for you. you should drop and stop,

in a kinda,

criticising and, making fun.

yea~ i am hurt of your tone.

CRITICIZE!!

who like it??

it is the sunday morning.

you really busy recently.

said someone.

she take lots of activities,

answered, was heard somewhere.

then, is what called- zi zhao de.

huh! what la!! who ask you to kepo bout me??

zi zhao.. is it i need permission to say i am busy??

am not complaining to you, even.

sunday night,

ym, it was appear,

i don't think it is necessary!

again,

i m hurt,

by the 'don-understand' of my so-called friend.

i never complain in front of you, never says a word out to you,

yet, you comment on it.

and, i don't like it.

feel like, hurt, because of your misunderstood or,

never understand.

i, had my own dream,

for me to reach.

the process, i need to work hard.

experience and capability,

need to be sharpened,

and i am doing all this,

in this very m0ment.

who are you to crictisize and comments bout it?

他她它

2009-02-18T20:41:00.006+08:00

‘难怪你最近怪怪的’

沉寂了好久，这一句话，打破了彼此之间的寂静。默契，产生在两人之间。一句话，一个眼神，一个动作，甚至一行的信息，告诉了对方，自己此时的感受。

‘还好啦，就，小事一桩，闷着你了，不好意思。’

不想麻烦别人，简单的一句谎言，草草带过自己的伤心，真的，她不想烦着他。因，他们不是属于很熟悉的，认识，也不是很久。就是，很合拍罢了，也是，大家都被遗忘的群体。谈心，不算很常，唯她在伤心难过时，他会出现，陪着她。她，依靠他。

你勒你勒？酷酷苦苦的，so sentimental啊？

她努力的挖他的料。她知道，他一定有事。他，还没放下。或许自尊太强，太男人主义，他，不曾说过。她知道，这一切的，从他的眼神，她的表情，她的文字，她的举止，她的声音。她期盼，他的分享。

‘我。。。唉！掉进大海了，爬不出来。’

他是痛苦的，她知道。他眼睛，湿湿的，她看到。静静的，她选择。后悔自己八卦。

‘没关系啦，掉进去罢了，游游几下，就上岸啦！’

简短的安慰，帮不了多少，她晓得的。她只想静静的待在他的身边，听他诉说，闷在心里已久的一切。毕竟，他的发言权太少了。金口，也太少开了。
他继续的说着，她并没插嘴，静静地，用心的，成为很好的聆听者。也许，她不懂该说什么好吧！就让一切尽在不言中。
怜惜，他的遭遇；佩服，他的坚强；心疼，他的绝望。

‘谁叫你，一下子踏那么多条船，最后！哼！掉下去啦。’

开玩笑的说着，试着缓和紧绷又低沉的气氛。

‘我需要，救生圈。’

他，轻轻地说着，也望了她好久好久，似乎有什么难言之语。她，看着他，目不转睛。思考？迷惑？猜想？惊讶？
她看出了什么，他也知道她的看见。

‘你都会游泳啊，拿救生圈干嘛？’

语气，试着放松，不想让他知道她的明了。

‘那海酱深，有了游泳圈的陪伴，就不会那么寂寞，而且可以更快上岸。’

认真地回答，希望她真地收到，他传达的信息。

‘那你上岸之后，就不需要游泳圈了，它不也是会寂寞吗？你把它丢在一旁，很可怜的也！’

她，婉转的表达了自己。或许，他要的理解，就是这些吧！

‘不会！我不会抛弃它的。我会珍惜它，保护它，爱惜它，陪它。真的，真的，是真的。’

是这肯定对方，他认真地，严肃地，说了这一些。他要让她确定，他不是花花公子。

‘那，自己去市上买一个不就行啦。跟我讲那么多干嘛？奇怪！哈哈！’

‘哎呀！讲我怪~爽爽跟你讲不行啊？免得你又问三问四的，知道啦，你那么八卦，所以想通知你一声！八卦。哈哈’

掩饰了自己，开怀的笑一笑，继续与她打闹。他明白，她收到了他的信息，而他，也得到了对方的回复。或许，彼此，再也没了也许.....

与海有约

2009-02-16T22:26:00.003+08:00

大海，
无边界，无止境，
无限制，毫无克制的，
接受。
它，
接受千千万万种生物的遨游，
接受诸位的到访，
毫无保留的将自己，
献给住在里头的，
生物，
当人也忘不了，
非生物。

他任由它们居住，
不受分毫，
不给与条件，
就是这样的，
伟大。

大海，
好美。
海面的条文，
是风路过的痕迹；
偶尔的泡泡，
是生命的迹象；
时时的海浪，
是它热情的象征；
不时的波浪，
是它对我的热情。

海，
是我唯一倾诉的对象。
它似懂非懂，
一波一波的，
悲伤的回应，
安慰的回应，
鼓励的回应，
喝彩的回应，
只有我，
听得名，
只有我，
晓得你，
更只有你，
把我看透，
一个眼神，
一句话，
你明了。
在你面前，
毫无保留的表达自己，
不虚伪装，
更不许担忧你的泄漏。

犹记，
不曾放肆享受你怀抱，
只因懦弱的产生，
允许自己留恋，
你的温暖；
只许自己，
轻轻的碰你，
不宜久留，
只是短暂的，
尝试寻找-情，
在你的温度里。

站在湖旁，
努力回味你的味道，
想着你的存在，
影子却看不着，
真的期盼，
与你的--，
再次约会。

帮你的~~

2009-02-14T10:51:00.004+08:00

熟语说得好：人不可貌相。嘿嘿嘿，真的完全应验，亏，那么多人相信你。（不懂是真是假）只是，太不相信自己的眼睛，怎么这些字会出现在我的眼前，怎么这一切会发生在她身上？天啊！！太--不可思议。原来看走了眼，原来引狼入室，原来自投罗网，原来把朋友退到深渊，原来原来。。。

我的人生原则，绝不伤人，绝不被人伤，绝不心软。我，不随便判人死刑，所以不随便原谅人。不能，绝对不会，尤其是你，犯了滔天大罪！！哼！！我，演技很不错噢~ 可以很容易得让你看出，但你看的，绝对不会是真的，但你没原因去怀疑。庆幸自己的穿透力，一开始就在你的面前保护自己，伪装自己，更庆幸在破工之前，知道事实~真的，感谢主。否则我是否会经历同样的事呢？不会的！！我肯定！！！

竟然今天，你做错了事，虽然与我无关，但我还是生气，你得罪的是他！抱歉，其实我心机很重，因为它很少派的上场，所以要一次过应用出来，才对得起自己平时的蓄池待发，正所谓养兵千日，用兵一时。不要对不起它的用工修炼，要用完全力才行。若你贸然发现我怪怪的，不要慌张，特别待遇只对你一人，别人要都没有呢！荣幸吧，因为我的心机，暂时会全心全意地用来对你，不会与人分享的。哈哈！！！

我也知道，你很不赖。只有你看的懂人，别人很难看穿你。没关系，螳螂捕蝉黄雀在后；一山还有一山高；道高一尺魔高三丈！！哼！你一定想不了，我虽看不透你，却猜得到你，虽然不一定对，虽然只凭直觉，但我至少对你的猜想，形成了保护城，保护自己。我没让你知道，真正的我，你所猜透的，就是我的演技啦！甚至现在还在怀疑这你的一举一动。一字一言，言行举止。怀疑归怀疑，让它就这样吧，对我不重要。只知道，游戏，正式开始。我们全力以赴，打拼到底，绝不退缩！！

你, 等着瞧吧。。。哈哈哈哈哈哈！！！嘿嘿嘿嘿嘿！！！

it is over... treasure it

2009-02-14T08:19:00.004+08:00

surprise,

is my valentine's present,

need time to digest it,

as your words appear to my eyes,

yea~

i finally manage to.

sorry, :(

simple simple encouragement,

feel like it is easy to say say nia~,

guilty of it,

does not meant that.

you will remain what you are in my heart,

no matter what had happened,

always the same old you,

will be there for you,

anytime,

if you trust on me,

i will,

100% listen and,

try my best to help,

"i know",

is really sincere...

and,

what had happened is over already,

just eliminate that 'crazy and stupid' from your life,

without that 'crazy and stupid',

your life can still be interesting,

'crazy and stupid' means nothing to you,

just a simple passer-by,

that you had a long glance on.

you should turn back,

look at the front,

continue your journey,

let 'it' pass by you,

let 'it' continue the 'it' journey,

in the opposite direction as yours,

just like that,

because,

it is meaningless and unworthy,

to keep on having your head turn around,

stare at a passer-by,

which will never stop because of you,

will neither turn around because of you,

neither will change his direction of journey.

look at the front,

watch your journey route carefully...

will be there for you...

as what i had said,

everythings will remain...

nothing diferent...

just you had one more thing to store,

in your brain memory...

~love you~

。。。。。。

2009-02-12T23:08:00.003+08:00

没有了，
真的没了，
就在这一刻，
确定了它的消失，
肯定它不要我了！

没预兆，
没通知，
只是，
忽然察觉，
它的离去。

感觉，
有！
就是--
隐隐作痛，
空空的，
少了些东西。
这是好事吗？
是的，
包袱，
没了，
重担，
卸了；

只是，
伤口，需要治疗，
痛需，要时间的安慰，
回忆，需要空间去收藏。

我相信，
不久，
我一定放得下，
并不是忘记，
而是收藏之前的--
记忆。。。

悔不当初

2009-02-12T11:36:00.004+08:00

来不及，
说出那三个字，
只怪自己太懦弱，
怪自己，
不乘早。

三个字，
难以出口，
是否它们都习惯了我的口，
不舍固执，
谁也不愿离开我；
真心，
没被你发现，
只因我太自私，
没给彼此，
一丁点的机会，
那机会，
不会永远常在。

卧病在床，
探望了你两次，
心里，
除了担心，
也多了，
紧张，害怕。
紧张该怎么开口，
害怕没机会开口，
行动，
却是零。

就这样，
在我徘徊在说与不说的时候，
在我犹豫的时候，
你一句再见都来不及说，
你闭上了双眼，
我知，
你再也开不了它们。

送你到最后，
泪水，
并没滑落，
因为，
遗憾，
深过悲哀，
悔，
比伤心更刻骨。

你给我，
最后的礼物，
就是憾与悔，
我知道，
你永远不会取回，
我也，
不会归还。。。

let it all go...

2009-02-09T10:51:00.003+08:00

happy..
yea..
i will de..
today onwards..
will be happy and rejoice..
pray always la..
a friend of mine tell me..
ya..
i pray,
but really i let god decide everything?
no..
am still self pity here,
feel sad and down and,
unwilling to try to let go,
unwilling to accept the result.
that is why,
am so emotional,
so unhappy,
though god is with me.
i realise the presence of god,
but dint realise his mighty:
if am willing to place everything on his hand,
he will definitely guide me and bless me.
Lord,
now,
i let everything off to you,
everything of mine u decide and arrange,
and, let me keep close with you,
seeking you and,
love you...
teach me to love everyone also,
concern bout their eternity life,
especially all my friends.
thanks lord...