here is my corner~~

just wana to ask myself stop thinking about it and continue to do what is mine!!

thanks for hiding from me as you afraid of my request?? hurt me?? hehe.. just..

don have such feeling!~~ there sure be another things for you~~

n.. i m missing somebody~

just finish a small small sharing with a senior of mine. i cant deny that, he is a good and caring guy, which make me totally honest infront of him. yeah.. i tell him the things that kept in my heard for 3 semesters.. which i try to keep it deep inside my heart. i dont want to think of it, dont even want to accept it. i just keep on lying, it is ok.

but, i know, it is always there, wondering me, and make me afraid of... yeah~~ i keep too much in my heart, as i can see so much and feel so much. i know what is happening easily, i know what others feel and what others want easily.. i am too sensitive, and... i kept all (both positive and negative) inside me.. i dont know who to tell, dont know who to share, except the father in the heaven.

today, i tell my brother, hehe.. although only one of my feeling, but it is the one bother me a lot, the major thing stop me from doing job. maybe i had not much faith in it, till i can easily be distracted, but i cannot stand it. i wonder, why others dont have such feeling but i have? wonder, why they dont feel like this? wonder, am i the cause of the problem, since i the one that feel such way. but, finally i know, many are also feel the same as me, just they are not as sensitive as me and they are as sabar as me. they just keep quiet and... let it all be like that.

i feel desperate. i cant imagine the semesters after the 2 brothers left. i may be suffering, i may be left, or i may be stand stronger in christ. who knows? hehe.. i dont know i can or not, but i know now i cant. u cannot say you want to have a talk with me. i am not the one that can express my feeling by talking, i am by words. maybe because of that, no one understand me, but i get used of it.

sometimes i wish, i can be a nomal one(sorry god)..... yeah.. i am crying, for the very first time this sem. why it must happen everytime before exams? god..........i feel lonely n tired liao.. i wan go home..

sometimes,
i wonder,
why i start my post with sometimes.
am i so un-creative?
till i don't know what to write?

sometimes,
i wonder,
why i emo so much.
am i so useless,
till don't know how to handle my emotions?

sometimes,
i wonder,
why i am so lazy.
am i so indiscipline,
till i have to push everything to the end.

sometimes,
i wonder,
why am i on the earth.
i am so not worth,
and i am so uncapable and tired,
till i really want to give up.

everytimes,
when i am emo-ing,
i hide it,
in my heart,
because i don't know who to express to.

no one seems understand me,
and no one seems willing to know me.
everyone so busy with their daily stuffs,
till no time to observe the surrounding.

this is really a long journey~~....
and i had find my way to HOME.

i like rainssss.
wind blows before its going to rain, even the sun rest earlier just to give way to the preparation of raining. i like it. nice weather, before and during and after the rain. it is no need for me to use umbrella.. (hehe)

it is raining. brother wind continue to blow, daddy sun and mummy moon sleep soundly behind the aunt clouds. the sky, seems so pretty with the grey-ish colour, with some decoration sponsored by uncle lightning. the lightning is just nice. it will not make me tan, neither pain my eyes nor hurt my skin. credits to uncle lightning. just somehow, that stupid ah pek storm scream like crazy man. it scared me all the time, and, i really hate it. it spoils all the peace and the whole picture. fortunately it miss the screaming time sometimes. haha...

the water//rain droplets drop one by one, in a nice manner, to the ground. they must be enjoy the journey. it is like roller coaster, that never know how to move upwards. all the droplets pour down, smoothly to the ground, and unite at the ground. wonder if they communicate within each other before they reach their destiny, wonder if they miss their friends when they were separated, wonder, if they feel nervous when they are moving in high speed, wonder, they feel pain when they hit on the ground, wonder, if they cry as human when... they are force to say bye bye.

yeah~~i love rain. just simply love it. i seldom fall asleep when it is raining. i dint want to miss any raining moment. i enjoy myself looking at the sky, exploring where the sun and moon should shelter themselves of, imagining what the droplets do when the are moving down. am i ki siao? waste my time imagining useless things? i don care! haha! as long as i like it.

after rain, all the droplets, become water, continue their second phase of journey in somewhere, and little fresh air appear to cool the earth up. it is as if, a new moment for me. everything before, either sad or bad or dirty or angry or disgusting... had all wipe by the rain, and the air come, to refresh my mind and my thinking, and... tell myself gently.. it is a brand new life...

this week is a crazy week. study 3 subjects, for 3 tests in 3 days time. between, need to settle two assignments and start the engine for one more project!! haha. study last minute. see.. tomorrow SP test but still online and facebook and chat and blogging.

Ish! going to screw my test again as MOB. yeah~~ sometimes, i hate myself, for being so lazy and de-motivated to study. i can put all effort in sleeping, eating, bathing, shopping, surfing net (-.-'''), but not study. arent that is my main job? i afriad to fail this semester. really died in most of the subjects, morover, no study wek for me.. huhuhu.... how leh? tests, assignments and projects ++ new topics are pouring in endless-ly. haih!!! what a bad time am going to have for the next 2 months. i just hope i can find my semangat back~~ i really want it!! i want to du shu.. tek ju.. tak cek.. duk xu.. bljr.. study..!! hope i can concentrate!!

p/s: hehe~~ good news within my gang! haha!! but need to be secretive wor~~ then no need to say here lo.. just hope can know what is she* doing, dont melt so often(hehee) and... enjoy it la.. hahaha... hoohoho...